Heroes & Monsters
by Kat Darling
Summary: Kylo Ren is the new Supreme Leader of the First Order, but a disturbance in the Force reminds Kylo that his leadership will not go unchallenged. Rey has done everything to keep him out while the Resistance struggles to rebuild. But this disturbance hits closer to home for her than she could ever imagine. There is another Knight of Ren vying for the throne.
1. Chapter 1

_I saw weakness, I watched you carve it out_

 _Another feeling you'd rather live without_

Too often he felt this. It was a pull, like a rope tied around his neck yanking him forward and breathless into a dark void. Since he was young, he'd felt it. The noose only grew tighter over the years, kept him trying to scream yet unable to breathe, but never tight enough for him to die. Even as he lay awake, staring up at the dark ceiling, thinking over everything he had done. He replayed the struggle between himself and Rey for her saber. The force of it breaking had knocked him unconscious. Rey could have killed him then. Why hadn't she?

"Ben…"

 _Clouds up above, clouds in your head_

 _Foreshadowing a cold, dark end_

 _They'll let you live_

 _But you won't win_

 _They only want_

 _What you can't give_

He startled, his saber flew into his hand with the practice of a master.

Kylo Ren looked around, seeing no one in his chambers to have called his name. He stood up from his bed, adjusted the band of his pants. He walked around to the living quarters, and saw him.

Clear as day, Han Solo sat on his couch, staring at his son with a smile.

"Get out of here," Kylo breathed angrily, the familiar rage filling him quickly. Han continued to smile, the same loving way he had always smiled at his only son. It only served to further fuel Kylo's rage.

"I killed you. You are dead. Go, and be dead."

When it became clear as it did every time he appeared that Han wasn't leaving, Kylo chose to leave instead. He went into the kitchen, his bare feet stomping along the dark tile.

"You know I will never leave you, Ben."

He despised his father calling him Ben. The only person he ever allowed the privilege was her. And from anyone else, it only served to disconnect him further from that life.

"I love you, son."

Kylo reached out for a glass from the cupboard, and when Han's words reached him, he let the glass fall to the ground, shards spilling across his feet and small cuts running droplets of blood between his toes. He didn't feel that kind of pain anymore. Only the kind words caused. The deep, aching shame that he never could completely dismiss from his heart.

"I am not your son anymore, Han Solo. I am not subject to love."

Han was now in the kitchen with Kylo, his boots crunched through the glass around him. Han's hand was warm on his son's back, and Kylo didn't shrug him away. Touch was so strange, so foreign, to Kylo. No master he spent time under had ever been the affectionate type. His parents had been too busy for him. The feeling of a dead man touching him was that much stranger.

"You will always be my son. No matter what you choose…"

Kylo looked at him, his stone face twitched with emotion for the slightest of moments.

"Love will be your redemption, Ben."

Kylo turned to Han, to speak, to ask him how or what he knew, but the dead man was gone.

Just as he always was when needed.

And Kylo was once again alone.

 _Then you realize you're not of_

 _Flesh and blood_

 _You've become_

 _Human, like the rest of us_


	2. Chapter 2

_They know what everybody knows_

 _Better sit, a letter from a thief says_

 _Why lead when everybody sleeps_

It took everything in Kylo not to let the rage consume him.

He hadn't moved from his place in the kitchen, the glass around his feet shook with the anger emitting from him. He could feel the echo of his father's warm hand on his back. It had not been real, but it had felt so startling.

"Kylo?"

General Hux's voice floated to him from the small hologram stand in the living quarters. He sighed angrily, the man had such timing. If it wasn't about finding the Resistance, he had every intention of strangling him.

He stepped over the glass gently, and held himself in the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

"Hux, are we any closer to finding the Resistance hide-out?" he asked Hux's holographic head.

Was he any closer to finding Rey?

"No, but…" though Hux continued speaking Kylo was not listening. He could feel it before he heard the words. The disturbance. The quelling, sinking pang in the pit of his stomach.

"… regretted to inform the commander of the supreme leader's untimely death," he finished with a pause, turning to look at something going on behind him.

"The commander requested to see you immediately," he added as nonchalantly as he could, looking down for the disconnect button.

"You sent for them, didn't you?" Kylo asked slowly. He knew the commander was already aboard the ship, he could feel the disturbance growing in the pit of his stomach. Hux didn't seem to understand the brevity of his predicament. Nor did he understand the gravity of the force. He started to cough a bit. It took more energy, but Kylo was willing to put it forth to make him pay.

"I just- I was following protocol! They needed to know!" he shouted as he began to gasp for air.

"You do not make those decisions, Hux!" Kylo shouted back. Hux began to choke, spluttering unintelligible words.

"Drop the idiot, now."

Hux dropped from view. Kylo looked up. He should have known the commander wasn't a knocking type.

 _So few ways to cover up the old wounds_

 _Lost in a finger forced to lie_

 _This sends us medicating through it all_

The commander was physically not a formidable sight. A part of the First Order's recon and special operations fleet, they were a smaller outfit that travelled silently along the outer edges of the galaxy eradicating Resistance outposts and collecting intelligence. Commander Amora Ren was their leader, trained under Supreme Leader Snoke and the only other surviving member of the Knights of Ren. Amora was revered in the First Order. And Kylo had known it was only a matter of time before he had had to answer to the woman they called the Star Destroyer, who stood less than shoulder height before him. She looked up at him, a soft laugh playing through her streamlined mask. Her lightsaber, hanging on a holster strapped to her right thigh, swung a bit from beneath her cloak as she reached up and tapped the right side of her mask.

"Nice work. Makes you look real tough," she commented sarcastically. He could hear Hux laugh from the intercom. He slammed his hand down on it, crushing it to pieces under his fist.

"What do you want?" Kylo said through grit teeth. He could feel more blood, pieces of plastic digging into his hand. His anger had put him at a disadvantage. She would be hard enough to kill as it was, let alone with one hand behind his back.

"What do I want?" she repeated, holding up her gloved hand in playful invitation. Her cloak rose with it, revealing her dark body-suit. It did not leave much to the imagination, and even Kylo had a moment of weakness at the sight. That was part of the reason she was dangerous. She was more than just a disturbance in the Force. She ensnared people, what he remembered of her face alone was striking enough to stop a man cold in his tracks. She was every kind of threat imaginable.

He felt his head snap back to her mask forcefully. He could feel a shameful heat rise in his face.

"A word. Or a fight. Either will sate me," even through the filter of her mask, her voice was stern. But he could tell she was smiling. Another part of her that was dangerous. She feared nothing, and no one. There was a never a day that passed where Kylo did not regret creating this monster.

 _If you ever enter my mind_

 _Stay there, you'll live_

 _Fend it off and fool them all_

 _Stay there_

 _You'll live_

No one in the First Order ever saw Commander Amora without her mask. It was part of her. It was her.

It had been years since the last time Kylo had seen Amora, even longer since he'd seen her without her mask. As soon as he heard the latch of it release, he remembered.

Her name used to be Eve.

And she had been so young.

But so strong.

She'd come to the school young, 8 or maybe 9, when Kylo had been about 12. She had quickly become Master Skywalker's favorite pupil, even over his own nephew. Kylo had envied her, envied how easily she had picked up everything in training, how easily she worked with Master Luke and how he'd taken to her. And yet, she always looked to Kylo for guidance. She always sat with him during meals, snuck out to his hut after dark when she had bad dreams. They'd stay up all night, walk the grounds together and talk about whatever scared her until it stopped being scary. They would hold hands, as children did. She always thought the world of him. Which was why he hadn't killed her then.

"Do you ever feel it?"

He had asked her once, breaking a silence they'd shared one night sitting on his bed together. And she looked to him, with those innocent baby blue eyes. Her hand didn't leave his.

She knew what he'd meant without asking.

She'd nodded.

He'd kissed her. It had been strange, sudden, sloppy; curiosity, mostly. He felt in that moment if he didn't that he never would, a wild and ridiculous panic had overcome him, that she would die if he didn't. And Master Luke had burst in, yelled at them to stop their foolishness. That 'no Jedi lets childhood crushes come between them and a lifetime of peace'. And Kylo had decided that peace wasn't in his heart. There was something darker that quelled there.

He'd come for her that night, the blood of their peers on his hands and covering his face, a rage he'd never felt pouring from everything in him; and he'd taken her with him to Snoke. Though these memories were old, coated in the rust of a boy he no longer was, he remembered hesitating at the door of her quarters. He remembered wondering if it would have been better to kill her. She'd screamed when she saw him, fought him, pulled away from his slippery bloody hands as he'd tugged desperately on her arm.

"Please, please," he'd begged her, his eyes springing up with tears, trying to get a grip on her, kissing her, pleading with her, "I don't want to kill you".

And as she pulled the mask from her head, set it down, and turned to him, and those dull blue eyes bore into him with no more sparkle to them; he thought about it again. Would it have been better to kill her? She had grown up to be so beautiful, but her eyes were dead, her face derelict of all emotion. They'd since seen death, caused destruction, destroyed villages and planets, murdered children. They, like her and like Kylo, had fallen headlong into the darkness.

 _Faceless, so little there to judge_

 _Left wing, let's separate the cold out_

 _Opposites, we never need to tell_

 _One sting, I've found I'm having to_

"What is that look you're giving me?" she asked nonchalantly, rustling losse her braid and letting her blonde hair fall in waves across her shoulders. Her voice was so much softer when it was her own. She was giving him a look too, mostly at the scar across his collarbone. He wasn't sure what look he was returning, but it made her smile a little. He didn't know if he could trust that smile, but it made her face just that much more beautiful.

Another moment of weakness, he was sure. Those came more frequently as of late. He had to remember, he was staring into a different set of eyes, not holding the hand of a scared little girl. Commander Amora was a friend to no one. And it was incredibly likely her purpose here was to end him.

"I suppose you realize I'm not as stupid as Hux is," she began, unhooking her cloak and letting fall along his couch, "I know you and that junker girl killed Snoke. I could feel my puppet strings slacken, and I knew he was gone…"

Kylo straightened himself, made his face stone again. He expected anything from her in this moment as she straightened out her uniform lapel, the Commander pins affixed to it giving off a soft shine; her saber swinging at her side as she moved. He steeled himself, flexed his fingers out behind his back. This time, he would not hesitate. If he had to kill her now…

Her eyelashes batted for a moment, long and darkly painted. They stared at the ground, at his bare feet, and then looked him in the eyes.

"Do you ever feel it?"

He had not expected her to say that, to think she could even have remembered it.

But he knew what she meant without asking.

He nodded.

 _I now own this fatal role that lives_

 _Imagine here is a better feel_

 _Told to dissolve, or choose to fade_

 _Or stay here_

 _You'll live_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello, darkness, my old friend_

 _I've come to talk with you again_

 _Because a vision softly creeping_

 _Left its seeds while I was sleeping_

Rey woke with a start.

Another nightmare.

She knew it wasn't real, because she'd watched Snoke die. Yet there he was, a fifty foot tall hologram bearing over a small kneeling human.

Rey could tell it wasn't Kylo, the person was much smaller, covered in a grey hooded cloak, and what peeked out of it was a mask was sleek and shining.

"Sweet Amora," he said softly, a crooked smile on his ancient face. The kneeling person's shoulders tensed a bit.

"Take off that mask, show me your pretty face," he continued, his tone sickeningly sweet. Rey felt repulsed just listening to him, there was such a strange perverse way about his request, his movements. The kneeling person pulled back the hood, removed her mask. Her hair fell about in a long blonde braid across her shoulder. She held her mask with tight fingers along her hip. She was a strikingly beautiful woman, it surprised Rey a woman so fair and pretty could be keeping company with Snoke, though she supposed that was exactly why he had her.

Her big blue eyes stared off into the distance away from him, remaining steeled.

"Sweet girl, I am afraid I have some news for you. It is Kylo…"

Her head snapped up. Her eyes widened. Rey could feel the fear in her own heart.

"He has forged a strange force connection with another, a girl."

The way he spoke, the way his words seemed ever so chosen. Rey could see Amora's fingers tightening further along the rim of her mask.

"This girl, she is with Luke Skywalker, being trained in the ways of the jedi; being trained to defeat you."

Another tightening of her hands. Her face twitched slightly. There was a fire lit now in those blue eyes.

"Kylo is too weak to resist her, resist her ways, her clear desires."

"Desires," she repeated, slowly. Her voice was soft in tone, but hard in inflection.

"I feel, despite all I have given you both, that Kylo will betray us in favor of this girl."

"He will not," she snapped back, no longer able to hide her emotion. Snoke's smile widened.

"He will. He has shown weakness for her already, shown favor to her, curiosity, compassion. It was upon first sight… he seemed to take to her. I have seen it, felt it."

Amora stood from her kneel, her chest heaving in and out with deep breaths. This was what lay beneath the sweetness of her features, what likely made her a favored tool of his; the unbridled rage. Rey could feel it quelling in her as well, like a burning fire in her stomach.

"You remember your oath, sweet girl?" Snoke stated. She nodded solemnly.

"And you will not fail me this time?"

She nodded again.

"Kill him, kill them both."

She placed her mask back on, stood staring off into the same distant place. Rey could see her hands shaking.

 _And the vision that was planted in my brain_

 _Still remains_

 _Within the sound of silence_

Rey looked around her darkened bedroom. Her hands were shaking too. She could feel the anger, the unbridled dark energy the woman in her head was filled with. And then, just as quickly she felt the dark, she was paralyzed with a fear that this woman was going to kill Kylo Ren.

She stood up quickly, paced the floor in her night clothes. She had worked so hard to keep him out of her head, out of her life. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her, to try and sway her, ask her again to join him. She feared her answer would change.

She found herself pounding at Finn's door until he opened it, rubbing his eyes sleepily at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Who is Amora?"

The words woke him like a slap in the face.

"Why? Is she… what is… why?" he looked around, as though anyone could have found them here when no one had found Luke Skywalker here all the time he'd hid. This was the only place Rey had thought they'd be safe.

"Who is she, Finn?" Rey insisted. She didn't want to make a deal of her nightmares, though everyone commented incredibly often how sleepless and tired she always looked. Finn sighed, opened the door up and let her in. She sat down on his rumpled bed sheets and stared at him determinedly. He pulled up the chair at his small table and sat down across from her.

"Commander Amora Ren is the most feared woman in the First Order. More than Kylo. More than Snoke. She is a ruthless murderer. If I had defected from her command, she would have cut my head off and let it float out of an airlock. And that's not an imagined circumstance. That's protocol on the Vincit. Why are you asking about her? Is it something that General Organa should know?"

Rey mulled over Finn's words. Everything he said only made her fear grip onto her more tightly.

"Amora… Ren?" Rey asked. Finn nodded.

"They were all Ren, the Knights of Ren was their group. Not much is known about what they did, who they really were even. The only two to survive were Kylo and Amora. They say that maybe the Knights were a proving ground for Snoke to see who was worthy to be his apprentice. Obviously, Kylo took that position."

"But why? If Amora is so powerful and ruthless?"

Finn shrugged his shoulders, looking out the window at the rising sun.

"I'd only met her once. Just before I defected, she came aboard Snoke's vessel, left quickly. I was glad she didn't stick around. She held top rank on any ship in the order and I didn't want to be a part of anything she was a part of."

Rey rose from the bed suddenly. Finn rose with her.

"Rey, what is going on?"

"I had a dream about her. I just…. I just wanted to know what we could be dealing with in the future. That's all. I'll see you at breakfast."

And she was gone, running back to her own hut and shutting the door quickly. She drew the curtains closed and let it be dark. She had to warn him. She closed her eyes.

But did she?

She opened them, the dark falling back around her. What duty did she have to Kylo Ren to protect him? Why did she even want to? She'd spared him once. That may have been mistake enough.

She could feel her feet pacing the floor beneath her again. He must know that Snoke had a back up plan. He knew Amora, he had to. But maybe, maybe he trusted her. Maybe Rey did still have a pull over Kylo. Maybe she could be the tipping point for him to finally realize there was nothing for him in the First Order but death, and darkness. Rey shut her eyes, and focused on his name.

 _I turned my collar to the cold and damp_

 _When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light_

 _That split the night_

 _And touched the sound of silence_


	4. Chapter 4

**TRIGGER WARNING:**

 **KEEPING WITH THE M RATING GUIDELINES, THERE IS NO DETAIL**

 **BUT ALLUSIONS TO SEXUAL ASSAULT ARE MENTIONED IN THE FOLLOWING CHAPTERS**

 _Trust all the things_

 _I tell you are true_

 _Dress up in your best_

 _So I can be proud of you_

 _And never believe I won't turn on you_

 _And never believe I do this for you_

"You saw Master Skywalker?" she asked, searching his eyes, stepping in closer to him. It was framed as a question, but she knew the answer already. There was no doubt that Hux had told her everything. There was no point in lying to her, trying to fool her. He'd never been able to all the years he'd known her.

He nodded.

"Does he forgive us?" she asked, stepping closer again, her voice hopeful, almost childlike. This time he did not answer.

Even after all these years, for her to worry of Master Luke's disposition towards her; and yet he had no interest in breaking her heart with the truth.

"Did you… kill him too?"

He shook his head. She was inexcusably close to him now. She smelled like flowers, vanilla.

He remembered the last time they'd been alone together.

 _You're leading me on again_

 _And I find it_

 _Yeah, I like it_

"This is it," she had said. That sleek cruiser awaited her at the dock of Snoke's ship.

Her uniform was pressed. It was not the dark body-suit, but a formal officer's uniform where shining gold Commander pins replaced First Order pins on her lapel. Those blue eyes had still held a bit of sparkle back then. Kylo, stupid and young, had only nodded through his mask. She held hers, pristine, under her arm.

"Can I see you?" she had asked. He'd hesitated, drawn heat on her young cheekbones for even asking. He looked around to be sure they were alone. He unlatched his mask, pulled it off. He put a hand through his hair quickly, it felt sticky, messy. He was suddenly incredibly aware of himself as he stood before her. His skin prickled uncomfortably.

"Ben," she had whispered the well kept secret of his real name.

"Eve," he had whispered back.

She reached out her free hand and took his quickly. He'd flinched, but let her hold onto it like they had as kids. She held onto him whenever she was scared. He wondered what Supreme Leader Snoke's great Commander Amora could possibly be scared of.

She had wanted to say something then. Something more than she had. But he had lost this memory long ago.

"Goodbye."

 _And I'm reeling in awe for sure_

 _Now I know it was given to me_

"Ben," she whispered, reaching out and touching the scarred side of his face with her small, bare hands. He stiffened at her touch, reflexively tensed. Her hand felt different than Rey. Hers were familiar, and they were real. He let his face sink into her palm, held her hand on his face because it had been the first real human touch he had felt in as long as he could remember. Her other hand reached out to him, found his neck, her fingertips laced in his unkempt hair. She was on her tip-toes, so close to him he could feel the sleek fabric of her bodysuit brush his bare skin.

"Ben, what have we done?"

The only person with more blood on their hands than him was her.

But in every way, that blood was his too.

He left her hand, let it fall to the other side of his neck and enveloped her in an embrace that lifted her from the ground. He had not hugged anyone since he was a child. Her head met just under his chin, her body trembled beneath his hands. He could feel her taking in shallow breaths.

She was the biggest threat to the Resistance beside him. Notorious for her sheer brutality, especially with her crew. She made her mark in discipline. There was no room for doubt, defectors, or anything less than perfection in her eyes. She had nearly killed him once before, paraded as punishment for Snoke's entertainment.

"You did kill Snoke, didn't you?" she whispered in his ear, her voice cracking.

He nodded, fear rising in the pit of his stomach now. She was the only other person now who knew the truth. She held onto him more tightly. And though a large, gnawing part of him needed this; he knew it could also be falling right into her plan.

"Say this isn't a trick," he managed. If it was, he was a fool to fall for this again.

He recalled the very last time he had seen her.

 _How I wish I could_

 _Be rid of this ennui_

 _Make you regret and,_

 _Make you afraid of me_

"You are weak."

The words had struck Kylo like heavy stones. He kneeled before Snoke in a silent beg for forgiveness.

"I have begun to believe I made a mistake in my choice of apprentice," he'd continued. Kylo looked up, through the eyes of his mask he could see the seriousness of Snoke's ancient features. And then, he'd felt it. The piercing, sinking feeling. She was there.

He heard her saber activate before he saw her, the blaring neon yellow lit everything around her in it's glow. Her breathy laugh through her mask. She swung her saber out and took stance just under Snoke's hologram. He could hear her speaking quietly, he knew it was the prayer she recited before battle.

"Prove to me that she is not stronger than you are. Kill her, or be killed."

He'd hesitated. She rushed him, took a heavy swing and came down along his cape, tearing it in two as he dodged her and lit up his saber. She reached out, lifted him from the ground and sent him flying. She rushed him again, another heavy swing. He blocked it, held her off on strength alone until he reached his feet. She was not known for such simple tactics. He'd watched her cut down Jedi with much more technicality. Something was wrong here.

She had whispered to him.

"Kill me, Ben."

He swore he hadn't heard her correctly. Maybe it was their masks, muffling her words. Surely…

"Please, I can't do this anymore."

She let him overtake her in the struggle, pinned her down with their sabers crossed. She was relenting, letting the red glow of his saber inch closer and closer to her mask. She was going to let him kill her.

He shook his head, fear in his eyes; he hesitated.

And she rolled out from under him, let her saber deactivate and smashed the hilt into the back of his mask. His vision blurred. And then the yellow light. It was right between his eyes; he shut them, waiting for her to take his life. Then the saber died, and in it's place she offered him her hand. He'd slapped it away, risen unsteadily from the ground and force pushed her as far back as he could manage. She'd taken a knee under Snoke's hologram, and placed her saber down before her. The fight was over. He'd still lost.

Snoke pounded his fist into the side of his throne.

"You both are pathetic children. Worthy of nothing I have given either of you!"

"Supreme Leader, I-" Amora began. He silenced her with a wave of his arm.

"You what, Amora? You failed! I expect the Vincit and you at base within the day. And you, you immature dress up playing pathetic EXCUSE OF AN APPRENTICE!"

Kylo took a knee. He'd be tortured, as would she. They'd be sent out on missions of punishment. They'd not see each other again after this. It had cemented a hatred in him towards her. She'd made him into that much more a fool in front of the Supreme Leader. He swore if he'd ever gotten another opportunity he would end her.

 _And never believe I do this for me_

 _And never believe I'll do this gently_


	5. Chapter 5

Her eyes sparkled at him. They looked at him as they had every day across the table at meals, as they had under the moonlit sky as kids, as they had one final time before she'd left. Every day he regretted creating this monster crying in his arms now. He had always believed she'd taken to the darkness with just as much as ease as she had embraced the light. Now he realized with an even heavier pain, that she had only embraced all of this for him.

Her lips were against his before he realized she was kissing him. His instinct was to tighten his grip on her, and her legs came up around his waist in response. He could feel his body responding to her, he could feel the prickling of his skin she always caused him. That feeling in the pit of his stomach seemed to catch aflame. He did not realize he had craved human touch so deeply until now, as the tunnel vision of desire took him over. He held her even more tightly to him, as tightly as he could press her body to his. He walked, let greater things guide him as he kissed her, to his bed. He placed her down, following her without breaking their kiss. She was so small underneath him, so vulnerable. The dark thought that he could kill her now flashed through him, paralyzed him with fear. He could almost hear Snoke's voice.

 _ **'Kill her, or be killed.'**_

He shut his eyes and shook it away. Amora took his face in her hands again, bringing his focus to her.

"This is no trick. You have no idea what I went through for sparing your life. I never would have been able to kill you, he knew that."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because… I loved you. I always have. That's why he never chose me. I never could set you aside in my mind. And that's why he separated us. When Hux sent for us, I… I thought that stupid girl had killed you too."

Tears began to stream down her cheeks again, as she reached up and traced his scar with her thumb. Her voice shook with the true fear the admittance placed in her.

She'd said love.

She loved him?

And she always had.

Like a quick reel he could see it all in perfect hindsight. That sweet little girl, his best friend. Her hopeful eyes. The fear, the hesitation before they'd parted ways. The convincing sincerity in her whisper for death. She was willing to let him, if he hadn't hesitated. She would have let him cut her down in front of Snoke. And all for love.

"You… love me?" he repeated. She nodded, wiping away her tears.

"All this time," he continued. The deep resounding guilt felt like it could not get any heavier. All this time he had reserved such jealousy for her, her talent, and her position. She had always seemed to be in Master Luke's, and then Snoke's, good graces. And yet, they both kept them so far away from each other. Luke had tried to stop their union, and Snoke fed disdain and envy into Kylo's heart for the woman laying beneath him. Snoke had created the monster in both of them. And Kylo had led this lamb to the water.

He was kissing her harder now, wishing nothing but her body pressed against his to rid himself of the guilt, of any other feeling but passion. He felt her reaching across his bare back, his shoulders. The flames in his stomach and heart fed each other off the touch of her fingertips across his bare chest. She reached lower, felt the blaster bolt scar on his side.

"Oh, Ben," she sighed, her eyes welling again.

"I'm fine," he reassured. It was hard for him to focus, to fully believe there had been anyone who had cared about him out there. It was strange, the ease with which that knowledge made the lifetime of anger fall away from his heart.

"No, you're not. Neither one of us are," she replied. She reached for the top buttons of her lapel, revealing the zipper of her body-suit. She unzipped it, and Kylo felt the heat rising in him as he watched her skin coming slowly into view. He could see the marks, how they began across her stomach. Long, jagged lines like the scratches of nails.

"Whatever Snoke did to punish you, I promise you he was kind," she whispered, her voice distant, "He took everything from me."

It took him a moment of looking at the scars to understand. She met his eyes finally, shame-filled as they looked up at him. He felt the rage and guilt battling in him. He had done this to her, let Snoke torture her, violate her. He had known, somewhere deep, that Snoke's outspoken fondness of her had been strange. But he'd never realized what that evil creature had truly been capable of. And it was all Kylo's doing. And yet here she was, still in love with the man who'd forced her head under these dark waters.

She reached up and pulled him down to her, kissed him again. Something in her touch spoke forgiveness, and her lips desperate for him. This is was a place he'd never been, never even close. Snoke had told him love was weakness and fear was the only thing anyone should feel for anyone else. He loved Eve. He had always had love for her, though over time it had been tucked away, overridden by anger and fear. He feared her, acknowledged her truly as the only real enemy he had. But the love was always more powerful. Somehow he knew that this was what Snoke never wanted him to have, the knowledge that love defeats everything. Darkness, light, the need for power and control. All he wanted was her.

"I thought I'd never get to see you again," she whispered, her fingers running along his hair.

"We won't be apart anymore," he answered back without hesitation. She smiled, nodded, a wave running across the pools of her eyes. He wiped the forming tears from the creases of her baby blues and kissed her again, softly.

Soon enough those soft kisses became more rough, frenzied; hands grasped and grabbed against bare skin and as she pulled away the rest of his clothing, and hers; this was progressing to a place Kylo had definitely never been before. His body wanted her, every piece of it ached for something he didn't know how to form the words for. She pulled him down close to her.

"I love you, Ben," she whispered to him. This was her permission, to continue this progression.

He never wanted this moment of looking at her eyes, feeling her softness, hearing her tiny breaths, to end.

So this, this was love.

 _You're leading me on again_

 _And I find it_

 _Yeah, I like it_

 _I'm reeling in awe for sure_

 _Now I know it was given to me, given to me…_

He laid down next to her, took her up into his arms and held her tightly. He buried his face in her sweet smelling hair, taking in the feelings he'd never felt before. Warmth. Happiness. The smile on his face was painful, the muscles it required had gone long unused.

For the first time in his life, he was not alone. He was loved, and he felt it. He heard it, he knew it.

For the first time since he'd last seen Rey, he felt like Ben Solo was alive in him.


	6. Chapter 6

_Don't think we ever really got it right_

 _Both you and I have always kept it bottled up inside_

 _Can you show me what it feels like_

 _To give yourself away?_

"Ben…"

He woke up to see Rey standing across from his bed. She looked peculiar, wild even; her hair a mess, and her eyes rimmed in dark circles. His heart leapt a bit, seeing her even in this state. She had closed off their connection not long after they'd separated.

He'd missed her.

"I… I had this vision… or a dream about Commander Amora," she realized as she spoke how silly she sounded talking to the man who was perhaps her greatest mortal enemy about a bad dream she'd had.

"Amora? What about her?" he whispered, with a bit of intrigue. He didn't move from his place in bed, only adjusted the sheets to assure he was covered; his right arm perched under his head so he set up to look at her. She could see the length of the scar she'd gifted him trailing down to his chest. Despite his attempt to cover himself, she could tell he was naked under that sheet. She tried not to let it distract her.

"She's going to find you, and kill you. Before you killed Snoke, he told her about the connection he forged between us. Told her you wouldn't be able to… resist my desires, or whatever," she muttered the last piece awkwardly, running a hand through her bedhead. Kylo's eyebrows raised a bit, almost playfully. He didn't seem remotely concerned by her words.

"She made this oath to him and…" she realized she was starting to sound a little hurried, frantic. She didn't want him to die and it felt like it was coming quicker than her words could pour out. Like she was already too late.

"You know of her, right? She was one of the Knights of Ren? You probably don't think her a big deal, but-"

The slightest of movements just beyond Kylo made her stop. She could see the bedsheets around him moving, though he did not.

He was not alone.

 _Who's going home with you tonight?_

 _Was it real or am I part of your collection?_

 _Have you crossed the line?_

Rey coughed a bit, a sudden feeling like she'd swallowed a rock or a handful of sand.

She'd interrupted something. Something she had definitely not wanted, let alone expected. That choking sensation made her eyes water.

Kylo glanced over his shoulder, then back at her. His eyes stayed on Rey, watching her emotions and the subsequent attempt to conceal them that played quickly across her features.

"The warning wasn't for you, it was for me," Rey said slowly, finally. She was careful not to let the boulder in her lungs give way to the waterfall dammed up in her eyes. Kylo sat up a bit, his connection with her willing those feelings toward him as well.

The silence between them was momentary, yet indefinite and the air continued to grow thick between them.

"Tell me what you saw, Rey. Tell me what she did," Kylo whispered. He sounded invested now, but Rey was sure it was only to pacify her. She knew who was laying on the other side of him. She knew before the blonde head raised up from the bed.

 _Who's going home with you tonight?_

 _Oh, I feel that you're an open invitation_

 _Is this how we say goodbye?_

"Ben?" her soft, sleepy voice made him turn to her again. Rey was intruding on a moment. Of course her foolish mind had thought to warn him, when clearly it was a warning to herself. Now he had the partner he needed to rule the galaxy beside him. If not Rey, then of course he would have Amora. Who wouldn't have her? She was pretty, and devastating. The combination of her, and Kylo Ren to rule to First Order was surely enough to destroy what little the Resistance held together and then some.

Though Rey was heartbroken, greater feelings persisted; what settled in it's place was fear. The way that Finn had described Commander Amora alone was enough to strike that in her. Knowing where Kylo Ren's head was at, especially in her presence, in her web, was enough to solidify that.

"Who are you talking to?" she rose up slightly, her blonde hair a bit of a mess. It was still difficult to look at this woman and find her threatening. She was pretty, young looking; she looked like the upper class daughter of any family on any given planet.

"No one," he answered back. Rey shuffled a bit, looked away. She was stuck for a moment, her heart ached and she looked over at him again.

He reached out and pushed her hair away from her face, pressed his lips to Amora's forehead. Another stabbing ache in Rey's heart. She was no one. And she always had been, that was never a question to her.

But now, it was so even to him.

 _It's getting harder to sit here alone_

 _And I've been waiting, I've been waiting_

 _And you still aren't home_

 _I have never ever felt so low_

Rey was back in the darkness of her room again.

Amora had called him Ben, not Kylo.

The choking sensation lessened a bit, only as the tears she'd held at bay finally sprung from her eyes. She gripped her chest, her heart felt like it was breaking into a thousand tiny pieces. It sent her sinking to the dirt floor, gasping for breath. The familiar loneliness consumed her, the darkness she'd touched on this island before felt so close to her now.

 _Can you tell me what is wrong and what is right?_

 _Who's going home with you tonight?_


	7. Chapter 7

_It's okay for you to hate me_

 _For all the things I've done_

 _I've made a few mistakes_

 _But I'm not the only one_

"What did she want?" Amora asked, trailing her fingers across his stomach. The goosebumps that rose in her wake made her laugh a little.

"Can you see her too?" he asked. Rey's panicked face pressed for urgency in his mind. It begged him to guard himself. But those pretty eyes looking up at him...

"No, I only felt her. Her energy is chaos. If I had been assigned Jakku over you, I would've been able to feel her from the atmosphere."

Kylo was reminded the spilt blood they shared. Part of her many tasks had been to find force-sensitive children for Snoke.

"She told me you were going to kill me."

"I said I would kill Kylo Ren."

That name sounded strange coming from her. She'd never once called him Kylo, even back when they were Knights. There was such a cold determination to her words, it made him tense. She pushed herself up to sit, prompting him to do the same. She took his hands in hers.

"I came upon this ship to see who I was dealing with. If I'd lost Ben Solo, then I promised I'd end this without second thought. To hell with Snoke, or the First Order. As soon as I saw you, I knew you weren't gone."

Though she'd surely meant it to soothe his worry, it didn't completely relax him. Even when he'd thought Eve a distant memory, fought Amora, he hadn't had the heart to kill her. Would it have been as easy as she made it sound to kill him?

"I love Ben Solo. But I don't trust Kylo Ren. Forgive me."

She leaned in and kissed him, the distraction meant he hadn't felt the slide and click of handcuffs across his right wrist. Before he could react, she had the other side locked in. She force pushed him back off the bed; he hit the floor with a thud, his bedsheets trailing after him.

Amora stood slowly, holding her palm out to keep him grounded. He couldn't move a muscle against her. Her free hand zipped up her suit, and reached for her helmet. As she pulled her hair back and slid it on, Hux and several storm troopers burst through the door and grabbed Kylo from the floor.

 _I could never be_

 _What you want me to_

 _You pulled me under_

 _To save yourself_

He struggled against them but they held onto him tightly. Hux grabbed a handful of Kylo's hair, and forced him to face Amora. She held her hands at her sides, one idling on top of her saber; the other was holding onto his. They shook. But her voice, through that mask, did not.

"General Hux, make him modest and take him to the Vincit," she addressed Hux, who let go of Kylo and saluted her. She turned her mask to Kylo, who met it with rage filled eyes.

"Kylo Ren, apprentice to Supreme Leader Snoke; for your part in the murder of your master, treason, and aiding and abetting a fugitive of the First Order; I am placing you in my custody to suffer the fate of death at my hands."

 _You will never see_

 _What's inside of me_

 _I pulled you under just to save myself_

He should have killed her long ago.


	8. Chapter 8

_She seemed dressed in all of me_

 _Stretched across my shame_

 _All the torment and the pain_

 _Leaked through and covered me_

"General Hux."

Her mask kept her tone neutral, but her hands hadn't stopped shaking. As Kylo awoke chained to the wall of a holding cell in the Vincit, he could recall it being her tell as a child too. It was nerves. Whenever Master Luke had asked a task of her that scared her, or she had a nightmare, her hands would shake so badly she could barely move. Hux stood at attention in front of her, beside the cell.

The cell had to be for the force-sensitive children the commander's crew collected, because as much as he tried he could take no effect over Hux or Amora through the thick glass that separated them. He ran his fingers along the chains that connected him to the wall. They were strong, he didn't think he could break them. He was stuck here.

"General Hux, as the new and improved Supreme Leader, I am hereby promoting you to Commander. Please, round up my strike team as well as whoever is left on your vessel in your conference hall and advise them that they will no longer suffer the tenure of this child playing Sith Lord. Rouse them with the knowledge that they are to be led by real, loyal patron saints of the First Order. Those with a grip on reality, a strategy, and no emotional hang ups," she ended, motioning dismissively to Kylo, who yanked on his chains in frustration.

"Yes, Supreme Leader," he saluted her, sparing a smirking glance at Kylo as he left. Amora continued to stand with her back to Kylo, looking out the large bay window on the other side of the room. Her hands had not stopped shaking yet.

 _I'd do anything to have for myself_

 _Just to have her for myself_

 _Now I don't know what to do_

 _I don't know what to do when she makes me sad_

"What are you afraid of?" Kylo asked. He wasn't sure if he was asking because he gave a damn, despite the fact that she'd played him for the biggest idiot. But he wondered what Supreme Leader Snoke's great Commander Amora could possibly be scared of, especially now that she had the only one who could best her in chains.

He swore to the Maker if he got out of this he was not going to let her have another go at him.

"I'm not afraid of anything," she replied dismissively, removing her hands from his view.

"You always say that," he said quietly. It was so much easier to think of their times together as kids then face the truth of his current state.

"And I always meant it."

"And yet you'd come sleep in my room with me every night to keep you safe from the monsters under your bed," he shot back. She spun around, her hands balled up into fists.

"Little did I know I slept beside the biggest monster of all."

There it was again. Yet another woman in his life who called him a monster.

 _She is everything to me_

 _The unrequited dream_

 _A song that no one sings_

 _The unattainable_

He sighed, looked down at his bare feet. The cuts from fallen glass, that moment with Han Solo felt like a lifetime ago; yet he could only feel the ache of it just now. He flexed his foot out, let the cuts reopen and watched the little drops of blood flow down around his ankle. He could feel the pain of it, but it seemed far off. His chest hurt more, and that kept him present.

"I know the feeling," he replied quietly.

She sighed through her mask, turning back around to the large bay window.

"Everything I have done has been for a reason. That reason is you," she said quietly, stepping forward and pressing a button on a panel. A series of beeps relayed back at her, a droid.

"Fire the cannons. Destroy the ship," she said in the same quiet tone. Kylo could hear the whirring of the machinery beneath him as it came to life and fired three booming rounds. He could see the explosion even in the small portion of the window visible to him. She had blown up his ship, with his and her crew both inside. Around him, he could feel the cruiser rocking with the turbulent energy.

Her hands were shaking so visibly now she couldn't bring them up and out of his view.

 _She's a myth that I had to believe in_

 _All I need to make it real is one more reason_

 _I don't know what to do_

 _I don't know what to do when she makes me sad_

"What have you done?" Kylo said, his eyes not leaving that small portion of the window where the wreckage of the Finalizer flew by now in soundless morbid serenity. Amora did not face him, kept her shaking fingers holding tight to the control panel. Nearby doors opened with an airlock hiss.

"Commander," a young male voice accompanied by the sound of his boots coming together in salute. She kept her sight out the bay window.

"At ease," she replied quietly. He stepped into Kylo's view, a storm trooper of rank in shining black armor. A red cape hung across his shoulders, and a blaster pistol at his waist.

"All targets neutralized. There are no survivors," he answered, his mask rotating slightly in Kylo's direction. Heatedly, Kylo yanked on his chains again, drawing the mask's full attention toward him.

"Well I suppose there's the one traitor left," he added. She turned her head to face the Captain.

"You do not EVER speak of him," she snarled through her mask with frightening ferocity. The Captain stepped back from Amora with his hands up.

"Yes, ma'am," he answered back.

Kylo chose not to look at her, tried not to listen to the insanity playing out on the other side of this window; instead focusing on the tiny scratches along the otherwise white walls of the cell. They were the fingernail marks of children, and it unsettled him to picture the suffering of them that made them drag their nails so deeply into the surface.

 _I catch in my throat, choke_

 _Torn into pieces_

 _I won't, no_

 _I don't want to be this…_

"To answer your question," she said quietly as Kylo continued to stare at the wall, "The First Order dies with me. I will continue to destroy it from the inside out as I have slowly over the course of my life. I will not allow you to stand in my way. Though it would have probably made things much easier, I could not leave you on that ship. But I cannot trust you not to attempt to prevent this."

Kylo looked over at her, with her captain still standing beside her. The captain reached up and pulled off his mask, Kylo recognized him immediately.

"Supreme Leader, that was absolutely beautiful," Poe Dameron clapped toward Amora.

"Had enough of the death trooper costume?" she asked, turning away to look out the window again.

"I was done with it before I put it on," he answered, dropping his arms down to his side in a mocked stance of attention.

This was all getting a bit confusing for Kylo.

Amora kidnapped Kylo, destroyed his ship, and killed all of his crew. And apparently her death troopers were just Resistance pilots in disguise.

"I guess I owe you that drink," Poe said as Amora released her helmet and unmasked, "I really never thought you could take him alive. But you are the best double agent in the Resistance."

The words made Kylo's head swim.

 _I won't let this build up inside of me_

 _She isn't real_

 _I can't make her real_


	9. Chapter 9

_I lie here alone and wonder why_

 _That I come alive, just before I have to hide_

 _Because I believe I'm losing my nerve_

 _But could I ever do better than this?_

The rapt knocking on her door made Rey jump.

"Rey! It's Leia!"

Rey scrambled up, swiping at her face quickly as she made for the door.

Leia stood stiffly in front of it, flanked by Finn, who looked away from Rey guiltily.

"Rey, Finn told me you had a force vision about my son," she said. Leia was cut-to-the-chase person. And she was never going to take no for an answer.

"I…"

Rey swiped at her face again, unsure how she should begin. Leia took her in an embrace that Rey hadn't expected.

"Sweetheart, Finn told me you saw Commander Amora promising to kill my son."

Rey couldn't think of much else but nodding.

"Oh, sweet girl," Leia rubbed her back in her regular motherly fashion. It was strange for her to be comforting Rey at the news she had received.

"Rey, please don't worry about Ben. He's safe. He's in good hands. Commander Amora is an agent of the Resistance."

 _Because all I ever wanted was a place to call my home_

 _To shelter me when I am there and to miss me when I'm gone_

Rey pulled back a bit to look at Leia, then at Finn.

"But Finn, you said she was evil," she said slowly. Leia smiled gently.

"She hasn't always been a part of the Resistance. But she seized an opportunity to assist us in taking down the infrastructure from the inside about a year ago. She's given us a lot of information that's saved a lot of lives."

Finn shared a look with Rey that affirmed that he too wasn't convinced. Leia let Rey go, still smiling.

"They've sent word that the Finalizer has been destroyed, and there is only one more squadron left. We have been given a fighting chance thanks to her," Leia continued, though she wrung her hands a bit uncertainly.

 _All I ever wanted was a place to call my own_

 _Where stars may dance and sun still shines and the storms feel free to roam_

"She destroyed the Finalizer?" Finn repeated. Leia nodded.

"And what about Ben?" Rey asked. Leia's hands wrung a bit more.

"I don't think she'd have the heart to kill him."

"She's killed children in front of me. She has no heart," Finn answered back immediately. Leia's smile dropped a bit.

"I know what you've seen of her dictates your feelings toward her, but I've known her since she was a child. She was Ben's best friend in the Jedi academy. She loved him."

The words hit Rey like a strike to the chest, the certainty in them that was hope for Leia was devastation for Rey. She would've liked more to have heard they were fighting to the death as of this very moment.

 _I listen, if only for a while_

 _But I can't decide if I'm aware that I'm on trial_

It was sudden, brief; Leia was speaking and though Rey could hear her she was also somewhere else. Her wrists hurt. She felt shame, fear, anger. She felt trapped. And wondering if she was about to die.

It had to be Kylo.

"Poe is on her cruiser now, the Vincit. He's the one who's been keeping us posted. We may be able to touch base with them before they-"

"-I want to go. I want to meet them. I want to see him," Rey said suddenly. Leia's smile fell completely now.

"Well, I don't know. Poe said that they had things covered. It would be hard to conceal a fleet of Resistance ships travelling alongside a First Order cruiser into deep space, and-"

"-and what if that's just a story too, General? You don't know this woman like you think. She is a master manipulator. They call her the Star Destroyer. She's named after a ship capable of destroying STARS. And she has. All over the galaxy. Detonated bombs on suns and let the planets fall into an ice age. She's rounded up women and children and slaughtered them for no other reason than they happened to be there and-"

"-Enough, Finn! My son has done all these things and worse and I still hold out hope that he can be redeemed. So forgive me, but my hope will not die, or be swayed by the past. For all the people she killed she has also saved countless lives."

Leia walked off, Finn looking on at her sorely. He turned to Rey.

"When do we leave?"

"As soon as she forgets we asked," Rey responded quietly, praying for that patience to find her; and praying Kylo was alive when the moment presented itself.

 _If there's a way to a remedy then lead me straight to it_

 _If there's a path or a door I missed, then show me now, show me this_

 _Feel free when I am gone_


	10. Chapter 10

_Take a good look at me now_

 _Do you still recognize me_

 _Am I so different inside?_

 _This world is trying to change me_

The lights were dimming, a simulation of nightfall so human circadian rhythm wasn't affected by long term space travel. Kylo looked around, having spent the last hour counting floor tiles on the other side of the window he was trapped behind. All had been deafeningly quiet for too long. He figured he was the only one here by the sheer fact that he hadn't heard any screaming. He wanted to scream himself, but allowed the anger to bubble within him, give him more strength for the moment when Amora made the mistake that would allow him to end her.

He felt the release of the cuffs on his wrists. The chains fell away with a thud, giving way to the burning ache that replaced them on his skin. He pulled his arms up across his chest, rubbing his wrists. He looked up at Amora, who stood in front of his cell. She was wearing a dark silk robe that ended just above her knees, her long locks tied in a braid across the side of her head. She looked down at him, and he quickly looked away from her. He didn't like the look she was giving him, like he was a wounded animal in need of care.

 _And I admit I don't want to change with it_

 _And I admit I can't go on like this anymore_

She kneeled down, took a seat on the cold tile on the other side of the window.

"I'll take it you haven't found it in your heart to forgive me yet," she said after considerable amounts of silence. He scoffed.

"For which part? Tricking me into believing you, or tricking the First Order into believing you were loyal?"

"I was never loyal to them. I was loyal to you, Ben," she answered back immediately, defensively. He glanced at her, those sparkling eyes staring back at him. He felt the pang of guilt resurfacing, reminding him that this was all his fault no matter how he spun it.

"How long?" he asked quietly.

"A year, or so. I reached my breaking point. Made a decision. I found Poe drinking in a bar on the moon of a planet the Resistance had an outpost on. Poor kid couldn't hold his liquor to save his life, but his droid agreed to send word to the Resistance for me, offer them information. That's how they knew you were coming for the last part of the map to Master Skywalker. I told them."

The rage overshadowed the guilt.

"So this whole time you've been undermining me?"

"I've been protecting you. Protecting you, and as many others as I could manage to protect. They could have had whole Resistance fleet awaiting you on Jakku. I was promised no harm would come to you."

The guilt took hold again.

 _I'm better alone now_

 _See I'm torn from my mistakes_

 _And I stopped believing that I could make things change_

"I can take care of myself," was all he could manage as response. She nodded, tugging at her braid a bit and looking down at her bare knees.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. He looked over at her, her pretty face again drenched in tears before him. As much as he hated it, wished the feeling to break into tiny pieces; he wanted to get up and hold her.

 _How much can I take_

 _When I know that it hurts you_

 _How long can I wait_

 _When I can't go on like this anymore_

"What brought back Ben? I haven't seen an ounce of him in you for a long time," she asked. He searched her face, the same pretty features he had admired as a young boy, her big blue eyes, her strong cheekbones. She was always so beautiful, even in tears. He wondered what she would say if he told her the truth.

"I met someone," he managed, going back to the scratches on the wall across from him.

"Rey, of Jakku," she answered back, her tone practiced and neutral. He nodded.

"Do you love her?" Amora asked, not as practiced. She didn't want the answers to these questions. But she needed it.

"She was the only person I'd ever met who..." but he was wrong.

The biggest champion of his redemption was on the other side of the glass, her pretty eyes drilling into him, waiting for him to finish.

"I didn't know there was anyone left who would forgive me until her. I thought I'd lost you, just like you did me," he finished. She reached out, touched the glass. He met his fingertips to hers without thought.

"I have every intention of ridding the galaxy of everything Snoke created. The First Order, the Resistance, Kylo, Amora; everything."

It was strange to hear her proposal. It was exactly what he'd said to Rey not long ago.

"If I let you out, what will happen?" she asked, searching his eyes for an answer he couldn't practice; as though he would ever lie to her.

 _Erase this monster I've become_

 _Forgive me for all the damage done_

 _It's not over_

 _Say it's not over_

 _I'm begging for mercy_

 _I'm only the monster you made me_

"No more tricks," he said, standing up, "no more tricks, and I'll stand with you."

She smiled, though the tears remained. They both knew what was awaiting them. The last fleet of the First Order was what remained of hers. And the Vincit was on steady course into a fray that they were greatly outnumbered for. Kylo knew that Amora was resourceful, skilled in combat; but there was a lot at stake here. Especially now.

The glass between them disappeared, and he stepped forward, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her, this tiny woman who had held onto hope for him all these years. That had saved his life more times than he could recall, more than he ever knew.

 _'Cause who I am_

 _Isn't who I used to be_

 _And I'm not invincible_

 _I'm not indestructible_

 _I'm only human_

 _Can't you see_

 _The beauty in me_


	11. Chapter 11

**6 weeks**

 _I wish I had a reason_

 _My flaws are open season_

Amora positioned herself in front of the hologram interface, adjusting her mask and the lapels of her body-suit. Although it was normal for her to wear this attire, today it felt hot and uncomfortable.

"General," she said quietly as the hologram keyed up. Leia Organa smiled softly back at her.

"How are you, Eve?"

"Fine. Yourself?" she asked curtly. It made her just that much more uncomfortable, how Leia smiled at her like she had whenever she'd come to visit Ben at the academy.

"I'm worried, about you, about my son."

Straight to the point. Poe had said Leia wanted to speak with Amora directly. Amora had been avoiding her for the entire year they'd been working together. Amora nodded, tried to emphasize the motion while masked.

"I also wanted to report that I had an unauthorized departure of one of my ships this morning. And I have reason to believe that ship will attempt to rendezvous with you soon."

 _For this, I gave up trying_

 _One good turn deserves my dying_

Leia was no longer smiling. Her face had fallen, and she wasn't looking directly into the interface. Amora was gifted the ability to frown without Leia seeing it. She continued to sit tall and contemplated her words carefully.

"Who's on the ship?" she asked, though she knew who the main occupant would be. Leia shook her head.

"Rey, and Finn."

"Well, we will have to wait for them here. I can't very well let a Resistance ship meet me and my fleet without raising suspicion," she answered simply. Leia looked at her.

"You know they both think… neither has accepted that you're on our side," Leia said. Amora shrugged. She could feel continually rising heat making her skin rosy, prickling, sweating.

"I imagine Rey is not speeding through space to see me, General," Amora answered. As her words ended, she felt an acidic sting in her throat. She coughed, sending her hand up to her air filter to adjust it.

"Are you sure you're alright? Let me see you, dear. You act like I've never seen your pretty face."

Amora couldn't help but laugh. First and foremost, and always, this woman was a mother; the one Amora had never had. She unlatched her mask, pulled it up over her head and immediately brushed down her braid. Looking at Leia bare-faced made her feel like a child again.

"Get some rest. You look like you haven't slept."

"Easier said than done."

 _Wish I'd died instead of lived_

 _A zombie hides my face_

 _Shell forgotten with it's memories_

 _Diaries left with cryptic entries_

The decision to let Kylo loose on the ship had been a hard one. It was strange to walk around and pass the man she both loved and resented so deeply every day. It was hard to reconcile hate, something she'd struggled with for a long time. It was the easy choice to hate Kylo, to want him dead for putting her through the worst horrors of her life. That hate was what created Amora, that hate was what Snoke had capitalized on, to enable her embracing the darkness.

She had given him his own quarters, and spent most nights fighting the urge to join him. She laid awake at night, or had nightmares. That was nothing new, but it had been much easier to cope when her security blanket wasn't down the hall; when he hated her, wanted her dead. And she could only assume he was still smart enough to retain the part of him that did. So she stayed away.

Amora worried, worried herself sick it seemed. Though her mask was off she still felt the prickling heat, the acrid sting in her throat.

 _And you don't need to bother_

 _I don't need to be_

 _I'll keep slipping farther_

 _But once I hold on_

 _I won't let go 'til it bleeds_

"Do you remember when Han and I came to visit for the holiday?" Leia asked suddenly, her gentle smile returning.

"The last time?" Amora asked, without much thought as to what it meant, Leia chose to ignore the real meaning too.

"Yes. And remember you told me bout the dream you had?"

The thought hadn't crossed her mind in a long time. Master Luke had taught them the art of connecting to the force through meditation, and she'd had a vision. In her vision, she was married to Ben. They had a baby. It had overjoyed her so much, to feel that she would have a family, a happy ending. She'd forgotten how much it hurt, which was why she never cared to think about it.

"Thank you for saving my son, Eve," she said. Amora wished she was still wearing her mask. Her face twitched, and she looked up, trying to fight the tears. Leia continued her ever patient matronly smile.

"Get some rest, sweetheart."

And she was gone.

Amora curled her legs up to her chest and cried.

 _You don't need to bother_

 _I don't need to be_

 _I'll keep slipping farther_

 _But once I hold on_

 _I'll never live down my deceit_


	12. Chapter 12

_You told me to love you, and I did_

 _Tied my soul into a knot_

 _And got me to submit_

"A word?"

Amora stood with her arms crossed, keeping her usual distance from him as though he held something contagious on his skin. He looked up at her, set down his spoon, and laced his fingers together on the table. The air that hung between them was thick and filled with confusing, painful tension. Kylo wasn't sure what he'd expected when she'd agreed to release him, but it wasn't this.

"We'll be holding in this sector for a while. There's a Resistance ship en route to us and they'll blow my cover if we don't," she said simply, her tone the practiced neutral he'd become accustomed to.

"What for?" he asked quietly, studying her face. She looked pale, her eyes were tired and ringed with darkness. Her mouth twitched for a moment.

"For you, I'd assume."

"Oh."

He looked down at the half empty bowl in front of him, the spoon he'd put down. Rey was aboard that ship. He wasn't entirely sure what she'd want to see him for after their last encounter, but at least she wanted to see him.

 _So when I got away_

 _I only kept my scars_

 _The other me is gone_

 _Now I don't know where I belong_

"I'll have to kill her," Amora said, rather dismissively at that. She turned away, intent for the conversation to be over. Kylo rose up from his seat.

"No, you don't. She'll understand what we are trying to do here. She can help," he said. She scoffed, walking away. He pushed the chair back, knocking it over, and followed her down the hall.

"She's a lovesick child, Ben. She is going to come here and scream at you and fight with me and I told you once already I will not be deterred by anyone. Not her, and not you," Amora said as she continued down the hall. Her voice was so plain, so innocuous; it infuriated Kylo. This was the first conversation they'd had in weeks. She ignored him, refused his attempts to speak with her, communicated through droids or even sent Poe to awkwardly relay things to him and he was tired of it. He grabbed her by the arm to stop her. She immediately pulled away, but turned to face him.

"What?" she asked, her tired eyes attempting their best glare. She swallowed uncomfortably.

"Are you alright?" he asked. The pale skin of her cheeks seemed to tinge a bit green. Her hands were shaking.

"Fine. Just not feeling well," she answered back.

"I can see that."

He reached out to her, softer than before. She took his hand, her fingers trembling as they laced in his.

"I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. There's not enough left in me to do it. I'm running on empty as it is," she said quietly, her voice cracking a bit.

"Stop running from me and you'll find a little more strength," he answered back, pulling her toward him. She relented, falling into his embrace.

"We can't do this."

"Why not?"

 _We were never alive_

 _And we won't be born again_

 _But I'll never survive_

 _With dead memories in my heart_

A valid question, but one they knew the answer to. It was ironic, how right Skywalker had been all those years ago. They were a distraction to one another, a safe place but also a stagnant one. If they truly wanted to end this, to end the First Order and to give the Resistance no more reason to fight; to bring order to the galaxy together, they could not do it from each other's arms.

"Because it creates pain. And pain gives no platform to peace. There will always be a part of me that cannot forgive you for your part in this," she whispered into his chest. He nodded, his chin falling on her head. He knew that, but it still broke more of him to hear it from her.

"A bigger part of me will always love you despite anything and everything you've done," she added, squeezing him tightly. He smiled a little, despite the sadness.

"I love you," he said, for the first time since they'd been children.

"I love you too," she answered back automatically. As painful as they were together, as much as it hurt and made him happy and then hurt some more; it was the most relief in the world to know that it was unconditional between them. That her horrors and his were nothing in the moments they were together.

She pulled away from him, straightened her top out a bit and looked him in the eye, as Commander Amora and at the same time as Eve.

"Whatever happens when she gets here, whatever you decide, just know that it still stands. I love you, and I always will, Ben Solo."

He hadn't thought he could love that woman any more.

And at the same time, he'd never felt so lost.

 _Dead visions in your name_

 _Dead fingers in my veins_

 _Dead memories in my heart_


	13. Chapter 13

_Bury all your secrets in my skin_

 _Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins_

 _The air around me still feels like a cage_

 _And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again_

"And how long are you planning on withholding this pertinent information, Eve? Do you know how many lives you're affecting here? Three, at least."

Amora yanked on the bodysuit behind the cover of a changing screen, the difficulty of it becoming more prominent with each passing day. She looked down at herself, amazed at the human body and how quickly it could change on a person without their consent. The suit had fit her like a glove not long ago, and now she struggled to fold herself into it. Foregoing breakfast should have made it easier, but all she felt was hungry and overly warm despite the chill air pumping through every vent in the room.

She thought on these words from Poe. Three lives hung in the balance of her decisions. Though many more had often fallen into her fingertips, these three lives were two of the most important ones to her. The third, herself, she cared not for. She had put Eve to the wayside many years ago, and even now hearing that name from Poe Dameron and Ben Solo was strange. Often it would take them a few tries to get her to even acknowledge them. She'd never had much exposure to being called by it, even as a child. And it killed whatever part of her was still alive that Amora had won out leadership in all the facets of her personality.

 _So if you love me, let me go_

 _And run away before I know_

The first, was Ben. And Ben, he had always come before anything else for as long as she could recall. He had been the first person to touch her and it not feel like a punishment, something she needed to be numb to. He was her first love, her only love. She'd never bothered to try with anyone else, and had taken every avenue to avoid the circumstance. A lonely life, an incredibly solemn existence. And it was easy enough to slip back into that, and she wouldn't mind it again. As soon as it was all said and done, if she survived, she could disappear. And though Rey was a child, Amora could tell she'd take care of Ben. Though it hurt, the thought was also of comfort to her. The more she let it comfort her, the easier it was to slip back into.

 _My heart is just too dark to care_

 _I can't destroy what isn't there_

The zipper caught on the skin just above her hip, an unexpected pinch. She yelped, a tiny and shameful sound. He was there in a moment, the shadow on the other side of the screen.

"Are you okay?" Poe asked, hesitating to come any closer. She'd forgotten he was there waiting for her, she was too lost in thought.

Poe Dameron was an interesting man. His face, his demeanor, all had this swagger that hung upon it; and yet in the same breath he was the clumsiest, silliest pilot she'd ever met. He clung to her, as were his orders she supposed. She wasn't sure what made him even want the assignment, not ten minutes ago he'd spent it holding her hair as the contents of her stomach met the waste bin of her bathroom. Being in this suit sickened her. It was high time to retire it.

She tugged at the zipper fruitlessly, it was stuck. What an opposing figure she was in this moment, she thought bitterly. The person who most wanted her dead in the galaxy was docking in the bay of her cruiser any minute and she was stuck struggling in her suit.

She sighed.

"I'm fine. I just snagged the zipper on this damn thing."

"I'd offer to help but…"

"Actually," she popped out from the screen in a struggle. She didn't mind Poe, the puppy dog eyes strategy of his was growing on her. He stood just beyond the screen, and did his best to keep eye contact as he reached out to help her.

With a few solid tries, the zipper gave and slid up the rest of the way, Amora grabbed the zipper from him and pulled the collar over to cover it. She smiled a bit.

"Thanks, Charming."

"Anytime," he answered as she stepped back behind the screen. She could see his shadow lingering on the other side. There wasn't a shred of darkness in him beside that shadow. Part of her envied that.

"What are those scars from?" he asked quietly.

"Who," she corrected, tugging on her boots and grabbing for her helmet.

"Snoke?"

He was smarter than she gave him credit for, as he'd proven once before already.

So she stayed quiet.

 _Deliver me unto my fate_

 _If I'm alone I cannot hate_

 _I don't deserve to have you_

"You never told me why."

"Why what?" she answered back, putting a shine to the Commander pins on her lapel from behind the screen. If this conversation was going anywhere emotional, she didn't want to have to look at him.

"Why you are helping us, when you could be ruling the galaxy with the prince of darkness by now."

She laughed.

"Who wants to know? You, or the Resistance? Or Rey?"

"Well I'd love to give all of the above a good explanation."

She shrugged, though he couldn't see her; taking a final look into the mirror before appearing again before him. He was smiling, it seemed in some strange way affectionate, maybe even caring. She chose to ignore it.

"My parents," she offered after a long silence. She passed him and made her way to the kitchen for water. Ideally, he'd drop the conversation from there.

"Were they on our side?" he ventured. She scoffed, pouring her glass to half height.

"Never thought to ask their stance on galactic politics before I killed them."

That should solve that, she thought as she took a long drink of water.

"You're not the monster you want people to believe you are."

As much as she wished she could believe Poe, he didn't know the truth. He didn't know anything close to it.

"You're right. I'm worse."

"I don't think I'll ever believe that."

After a considerable silence, she could hear him get up and leave.

It was easier to let him down this way. Better now than later. Better her than him.

 _My smile was taken long ago_

 _If I can change, I hope I never know_


	14. Chapter 14

_She'll make it rain on what's supposed to be a sunny day_

 _I'm gonna pay, for all my stupidest mistakes_

The floor was sticky with the spilt drinks of a dozen alien beverages. The lights were odd, stuck out in many directions, and lit the bar and dance floor in strange angles. An eclectic assortment of creatures filled the floor, chairs, and made noisy every inch of the bar. Yet when she entered, it seemed to silence them all.

Poe Dameron was mid-sip of his celebratory beer when he saw her.

"Wow," the pilot drinking next to him commented, "I'd better hit the can before I make her my wife."

 _You make me want and do completely different things_

 _Are you listening to me, are you listening to me?_

He stood up quickly and left Poe at the bar. The woman, whose long blonde curls cascaded like a waterfall across her shoulders stood still at the doorway, surveying the entire bar carefully. Her attire indicated that she was perhaps a noblewoman of the planet below them, expensive fabrics in dark colors that wrapped around her tightly. Her eyes settled on Poe, and the bar as a whole, and she began to walk toward him. He quickly finished his drink, setting it down and looking into the reflection of the glass to check his hair.

"Is this seat taken?" her light, feminine voice asked him, indicating his fellow pilots seat beside him. She smiled at him, it made a little fluttering twitch in his stomach that made him smile back.

"You'd make better company," he answered, offering his hand to her. She took it, sitting carefully on the barstool, still smiling at him.

"Your hands are pretty soft for a Resistance pilot," she commented, eyeing his flight suit. He laughed a bit.

"I uh... moisturize."

What a stupid response, Poe thought. He was awful at this. She laughed anyway.

"Another, Poe?" the bartender asked, glancing over at Poe's new company.

"Please, and whatever the beautiful woman wants, on me," he answered. The woman smirked a bit, her cheeks reddened a bit at the compliment.

"Whether or not I'm drinking depends on what you have," she replied. The bartender raised a brow.

"I can make anything your heart desires," he answered. She thought for a moment while he pulled a cold bottle of beer from under the bar and set it down in front of Poe.

"I'll take a Tattooine Sunburn then, if you don't mind," she answered. Both the bartender and Poe looked at her in mild surprise.

"That's not a drink for the faint of heart, darling," the bartender said.

"Looks can be deceiving," she answered back with the same smile she'd given Poe. The bartender shrugged his shoulders and reached under the bar, pouring a magnificently purple liquid into two separate glasses, and then gently combining them. He slowly passed the glass across the bar, and proceeded to watch her pick it up and drink it. Poe was fully prepared to see this tiny, delicate looking woman fall flat on her back off the stool he'd just helped her onto; but she finished the drink and set down the empty glass with a maintained smile. Poe and the bartender both unabashedly checked her finger for a ring.

 _When all the smoke clears, I should turn around and hit the ground_

 _You're such a joke, I'm not sure what I've lost or found_

"What's the celebration?" she asked, turning to Poe and leaning on the bartop. All around him, (he recalled suddenly that other people existed), Resistance pilots and personnel were celebrating a small victory in their progress to fighting the First Order. But this woman did not appear to be a member of the club, so he shrugged a bit and took a swig of his beer.

"There's not always a need for one," he said. She smirked.

"That's a very diplomatic way of saying, none of your business," she replied with a small laugh. Her laugh was cute, her smile was captivating; it almost made him want to spill his secrets.

"I'm sure it'll hit the galactic presses by morning," he answered back.

"No one with half a brain reads that dribble. The only way to hear the truth about the war is in a place like this with lower ranked and looser lipped pilots than yourself."

 _Blame it on me cause I can't see this going anywhere_

 _It's just not fair, I can't compare to anyone or anything_

Her voice had changed, darkened a bit. At first he thought maybe the drink had finally hit her, but when he looked over at her she was still smirking at him.

"So a woman like you comes here to gather information?"

He knew she was too good to be true.

She eyed the rank pins on his flight suit.

"I came here because I have information to give, to the right person. That and the off chance I happen to meet my Prince Charming. I have always hoped for two birds with one stone."

From the rank pins, she worked her way down and then back up to meet his eyes. He wasn't convinced this woman had anything valuable to offer him, information wise. It was more likely that her information involved wanting to explore the backseat of an X-wing.

 _She's like a shot in the dark, adrenaline in my heart_

 _It always happens when we're together_

"You're in my seat."

The surly pilot reappeared, smiling at her and leaning on Poe. He'd had a head-start on Poe, and was thoroughly sloshed. Yet, he still tried to the best of his incoherent abilities to flirt with the woman who was clearly uninterested.

"I apologize, I was just talking with your commander. I'll go," she said. Poe reached over, put a hand on her leg.

"You stay. He'll go. Right, pilot?" he said, turning to the surly man at his shoulder.

"Commander Dameron reeled one in boys! I caught her in my sights first though," he called as he begrudgingly marched off to another group of pilots who hollered back toward Poe in response. He shook his head at them.

"They don't know their limits," he said with a laugh. She continued to smirk at him, unfazed. His hand was still on her leg. He removed it quickly, rubbed the back of his neck with it.

"You must be a good leader if even in their state they still listen to you."

"I'm alright."

"You seem a bit better than alright," she replied. He felt a flush coming up around his face. She was coming on awfully strong now. He took another drink from his beer. She turned to the bartender, who'd been eyeing her as he moved about since she'd consumed the drink that sent most humans hospital-bound after a single sip.

"Another, please. On me, this time," she said, placing her money down on the bar. The bartender stepped forward and grasped the gold coins quickly.

"One is impressive, two would outright devastate me," he commented as he went through the process of pouring two separate glasses of the same fluid and gently mixing them together. She took it, swirled it around in the glass and looked back to Poe. He hoped she wasn't planning to offer him any of it, a single drop would likely floor him at this point in his drinking. He smiled, grabbed his bottle and held it out to toast.

"To the Resistance," he said, smiling a bit. She clicked her glass to his.

"To the Prince Charmings who fly for them," she replied, taking the glass to her lips and downing it with the same impassive look. He watched her carefully from the end of his bottle. This round would surely be the end of her flirtations, as well as her consciousness.

Yet, she maintained.

She leaned in toward him, this time her hand met his leg. He twitched at her touch.

"Would I be able to interest you in a more private location to... talk?" she asked. She smelled like flowers, and vanilla; it was more intoxicating than anything he could get at the bar.

 _No matter how much pain_

 _you know I'll do it again and again until forever_

Everything in him said not to trust such a perceptive woman with the nerve to drink human poison. But her hand had inched up his thigh a bit, she'd leaned over a little more; that smile was brilliant in the dim light, and he decided to give in to the throws of the celebration going on around him.

He downed the rest of his beer and rose up from the barstool. She followed suit behind him out the door, drawing more hollers of encouragement from the group of pilots.

He looked around the dark streets of the small moon. It was quiet, lamplit along the sidewalks. He felt her hand wrap quickly around his, pull him into the alley beside the bar that met the parking lot. She leaned on the wall, pulled his body into hers, threw his hand onto her waist and wrapped her arms around him.

"Do you want me, Commander Dameron?" she whispered. His head was swimming. He managed to nod.

"Tell me you want me."

"I want you."

"Say my name."

"I… I don't know it," he said, trying to think back if he'd missed it somewhere.

 _I can't kick the habit, cause I just gotta have it_

 _But she's the girl who destroys_

Her lips met his, at first a sweet and soft touch; then she deepened the kiss, let their tongues collide. It was quick, but it hit him like a ton of bricks. He pulled back quickly, the swimming in his head meeting his eyes. She had her drink still on her lips, traces of it's sweet sting in her mouth. She released him, and he stepped back, holding his head. She held him steady by the necklace on his neck, held tightly in her manicured grasp.

"My name is Commander Amora Ren of the First Order. But Amora is fine, the rest is unnecessary," she said, two images of her both smirking at him in his double vision.

"Commander... Amora…" words were becoming difficult, but despite the lack of clarity his body instinctively seized up in the terror of that name.

"I'm sorry about this, Poe Dameron, I really am. But I know you're General Organa's closest confidant, and I have a message for her."

She let him go and he sank to his knees, his stability failing him.

"Please… I don't want... to die…"

Both images of her before him smiled gently in return of his pleading for his life.

"I'm not going to kill you. Not today, anyway. Just stay awake for a bit and do what I tell you."

She reached out, took his wrist and tapped a couple of buttons of the interface.

"Call your droid to you," she said, kneeling down to keep eye contact with him.

"BB-8, come…. come to the… to the bar," he managed. A few beeps relayed back and the droid quickly and curiously rolled in.

"Hey there," Amora said softly, letting BB-8 come in close. It began to beep wildly when it realized Poe was in distress.

"Listen, calm down; Poe will be fine. I need you, you sweet and caring little thing, to do me a favor to help Poe."

She reached into the pocket of her pant and procured a small flash drive. BB-8 opened a port to receive it.

"This goes to General Leia Organa of the Resistance, and no one else, okay?" she said. BB-8 beeped an agreement. She turned to Poe, who was having a hard time staying coherent. She reached out to him, pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"This will all make sense tomorrow, Charming," she said, rising up and leaving him to pass out in the alley. BB-8 beeped frantically and rolled into the bar.

 _She's the girl who destroys entire worlds_


	15. Chapter 15

_So glad to see you well_

 _Overcome and completely silent now_

"We have to be ready for anything here," Finn said as they hovered just out of firing range of the massive cruiser. The Vincit vaguely resembled a Star Destroyer, smaller but sharply pointed, and painted black. It nearly blended in with the scenery, if they hadn't been hovering serenely along the edge of a planet.

He looked back at Rey, who hadn't said so much as a word the entire trip. Finn didn't think he'd ever been surrounded by so much silence in his entire life. Even now, she looked like she had no words to speak, though her lips were moving.

"She's not going to hurt us," Rey answered back finally. Finn shook his head.

"You don't know her."

"I don't have to. Poe is there. Ben is there. They wouldn't… they couldn't be with her if she was going to do anything like that."

Saying it helped her believe it a bit more. She hoped Finn couldn't feel the fear that was welling in her stomach like a restless sea. The air felt electric, like the calm before the first roll of thunder and blast of lightning. Rey didn't know if this was the storm she was meant to run headlong into. She wished for clarity, for even the smallest of signs to tell her that she was following her foolish heart in the right direction.

Rey stole away for a moment, tried to collect herself. She closed her eyes, tried to connect with the only man she knew could ease her fears.

When she opened them, Master Luke stood before her; a gentle smirk on his face.

"Hey, kiddo."

Rey grinned at him. She had missed Luke so much, it had been yet another stabbing void losing him after they'd lost Han Solo.

"Master Skywalker," she said, trying to shake off the need to cry, "please tell me I'm doing the right thing."

He laughed a bit, glancing out small window at the Vincit below them.

"Right or wrong, you're already knocking at the front door, Rey. I don't think that is the question you want me to answer."

Rey thought quickly, to reach the truest of her dilemmas.

"Who is Amora Ren? Is she really with us?"

Luke's smile left him at the name, he looked away for a moment and thought over his words.

"I can't tell you much about Amora, but I can tell you that Eve always had the same potential for darkness that Ben did. I found her wandering the back alleys of Coruscant, an orphan left to fend for herself in a cruel world, much like you were. She'd seen horrors that no child should have seen. She was scared, but the power she had within her… I took her away from all that suffering and brought her into more of it in the academy. It was hard for her to make friends, but eventually she found one in Ben. I tried to discourage it when I saw how close they were getting, it is not the jedi way to form attachments. I know now that I only pushed them both toward the darkness," he stopped to lament on this admittance for a moment, but shook it away, "she was a sweet, young girl with the same unbridled power as my nephew. He lured her to the darkness she had felt crawling at her, whether it was out of a love for her or a love for power, I don't know. You are the light that rose to her darkness, not Kylo Ren. She is more powerful than him, more dangerous. He made a monster. But she thrived as that monster. He is not guiltless, and he did nothing to stop it. Neither did I, but you know that story. As for whether she is a friend or an enemy, I think that is up to you."

Luke looked off past her, somewhere far off beyond the confines of the ship. He smiled a little, turning back to focus on Rey.

"Tell her I'm not mad. I had as much a part in it as Ben, as Snoke. I'm not mad. And she's still my favorite little fighter."

With that nostalgic, peaceful smile still planted on his face, he disappeared.

In the same moment, a small red light appeared along the sleek lines of the Vincit, a door sliding open to the docking bay. Finn looked back at Rey, who nodded with as much confidence as she could muster.

 _With Heaven's help_

 _You've cast your demons out_

The ship docked silently while Rey and Finn geared up. Finn yanked on the jacket Poe had given him, convinced it was the only thing that had really kept him alive this whole time; two blasters found their way carefully under it. Rey had tried, and failed to repair the Skywalker lightsaber. She stared at it in her bag of belongings, two halves of a whole of what had begun all of this. She hoped she was right about all of this, hoped she was with everything she had, because she wasn't sure she could defeat Amora if she had to. Not without the saber. Not without Ben.

The docking bay was eerie, quiet; there was no one working in any visible post, no mechanics or pilots or guards. It was only a graveyard of pristine tie fighters, all dressed in shimmering black just like the Vincit.

"This is not normal," Finn commented quietly as they stepped down from the ship, each looking around in the opposite direction.

"There's no flight crew, no guards to meet us; there's no one here at all," he continued, venturing toward a tie fighter to look around it.

"Welcome to the Vincit, Rey of Jakku, FN-2187."

Amora appeared through an opening door at the opposite end of the hall. Though Rey recognized her, Finn didn't. His jaw dropped open a bit.

She was so beautiful, Rey thought bitterly, the flowing cloak pulling behind her as she walked; she pulled her hair from the knot on her neck and let it fly loose to match the cloak, her dark bodysuit still fitted like a second skin to her, the Commander pins shining on her lapel if only to echo the sparkle of her perfection and mock Rey's lack of it. Everything about her was so well-designed. There was no wonder as to why Kylo Ren was drawn to her.

 _And not to pull your halo down_

 _Around your neck and tug you off your cloud_

"Hey kids!" Poe said from behind her, waving at them both. It seemed Finn had put together who he was gawking over in that instant. He tried to draw himself back up, coming back over to Rey as the groups met.

Amora held out her manicured hand in greeting. Rey stared at it for a moment, but neither one of them took the bait offered them. She rescinded it, placing it on her hip with a curious, indulgent look.

"Where's your crew?" Rey asked immediately.

"Killed them," Amora said with a pleasant smile, as though she was directing them to the nearest restroom rather than admitting to murder.

"You killed them?" Finn repeated. Amora nodded, eyeing him with a slightly wider smile. Rey remained steadfast though it was clear that Amora had already broken Finn's resolve.

"Because you're one of us now?" Rey continued. Poe looked on uncomfortably.

"Oh no," Amora said, her smile dropping slightly, "I am not one of whatever you are, whatever that may mean to you. I am not a part of the Resistance, I am not a jedi, and I am not a child, sweetheart."

Sweetheart. Rey tried not to let Amora's arrogant tone get under her skin.

 _But I'm more than just a little curious_

 _How you're planning to go about making your amends_

 _To the dead_

"Then what are you?"

Amora laughed. It was a pretty, girly laugh that rung out into the emptiness that surrounded them. It struck Rey even more that Amora was such a sore thumb stuck out amongst all this darkness. Poe smirked a bit at it, looking at Amora as she waved her hair back before answering.

"A good host, for the moment".

"Rey," Poe stepped forward, sensing that things were getting tense, "Kylo... Ben, he's okay. Everything is okay here. We have things to do, and we can't waste any time".

"We want to help, if it's for the Resistance," Finn said, more to Poe than Amora.

"We don't need your help," Amora answered back before Poe could form a word.

"I want to see him."

Rey and Amora stood clearly at odds. The tension in the room between them was palpable, though only Rey seemed to show it. Amora returned to her pleasant smile, so practiced.

"Then ask for him. Do that pathetic little force trick you two have and call him forth from the void to hold your hand for you, little girl, because among everything else, I am also not your messenger. But do it all quickly and get the hell off of my ship because I have things to do and this is not a daycare".

 _Recall the deeds as if they're all_

 _Someone else's atrocious stories_

 _Now you stand reborn before us all_

 _So glad to see you well_

Rey took a heavy breath, trying to let all the anger and frustration settle in her.

Amora continued to smirk, though her face had gone pale. She looked back at Poe for a moment, swallowing uncomfortably.

The door behind them opened, Kylo appearing stone-faced in the frame of it. He locked eyes with Rey, stepping forward into his inevitable fate.

"Poe, I..." Amora seemed to have lost her train of thought, beads of sweat accumulating on her pallid brow. Rey looked at her.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I… have not been feeling well. Please, excuse me."

With that, Amora's patience had clearly broken and she turned away. It was her turn to meet eyes with Kylo, who was only feet from them now. Amora shook her head, as though to shake off whatever was afflicting her. But as soon as she looked up again, her eyes seemed to glaze over; her eyelashes fluttered for a moment, and she began to fall backward. Before Kylo could react, Poe caught her in his arms.

 _And not to pull your halo down_

 _Around your neck and tug you to the ground_

"Eve? What's wrong?" Kylo was at his side in a second, flanked by Finn and Rey.

"I… I don't know," Poe said, hoisting her up into his arms. Kylo tried to take her from him, but Poe stepped back.

"We need to get her help, she could be seriously ill," Kylo said, concern painting him.

"You didn't give a damn before, why do you care now?" Poe shot back. Finn stepped between them both, sensing as equal a tension between them as the women not a moment ago.

"Let's focus on her, and worry about your problems later," he said. Kylo pushed him aside and took Amora from Poe, taking quick strides back toward the doorway. Poe ran after him, prompting Finn and Rey to follow quickly.

"Plot a course to the nearest and best medical center we can get to," Kylo said, carrying her quickly with Poe catching up to him.

"Where exactly can we take the Supreme Leader of the First Order without drawing her fleet?" Poe replied.

"I don't care, anywhere," he answered back, feeling Amora coming to in his arms. A small breath exited her lips but her eyes remained closed, looked sallow and dark.

"We can take her to the Resistance base. They'll care for her, quietly," Finn offered, keeping up with them on Poe's side. Rey trailed a bit behind Kylo.

Kylo glared at Poe, who slowed down a bit.

"Make yourself useful, pilot," he snapped. Poe nodded begrudgingly, turning off into another hall.

 _But I'm more than just a little curious_

 _How you're planning to go about making your amends_

 _To the dead_


	16. Chapter 16

_Come on in, take a seat_

 _Tell me how you feel this weak_

 _Are you cursed? Are you blessed?_

 _Are you still inside the mess?_

The Vincit was a formidable vessel. It had traveled so fast that word had barely gotten to the base before they touched down on the island's shipyard. The First Order cruiser was a massive sight between the few x-wings left in the Resistance fleet. Everyone had gone running off the ship once it had touched down, but Rey had stuck behind. She didn't care whether that woman lived or died. A gnawing sensation in the back of her head hoped for the latter. That biting sensation had grown more persistent, more frequent since she'd arrived on the cruiser. It felt like a tiny creature just inside her ear whispering sweet, dark nothings that she couldn't quite make out.

 _All those feelings wrapped around you_

 _Hold you down so you can't break through_

It called to her like the island had when she'd arrived. She knew exactly what it was, but not how to shake it. She closed her eyes, tried to call upon her master for help. But those sweet nothings kept her unable to focus between the Force and trying to understand what they were saying.

"Supreme Leader, come in, Supreme Leader Amora Ren."

A deep and impatient voice just behind her made her nearly jump straight out of her skin. A panel behind her held a holocron, a small lit for an incoming call blinking softly.

"Captain Bayalo, come in. Anyone on air for the Vincit come in at once."

Rey wasn't sure what to do. She should rush out, go get Poe, have him answer in his Death Trooper captain attire, smooth this over. The voice was further away but still impatient.

"That's it, I'm calling it. Activate the emergency tracking beacon on the Vincit and set a course. There's something not right here."

Rey reached out, before she could even think, and pressed the blinking button. A hologram of a well-dressed First Order general appeared, his back turned to the station.

"Did it- hello?" he turned, eyeing Rey not with surprise, but interest. He was a neatly kept man, his brown hair parted perfectly with a reflective sheen to it. His eyes were brown, a long jagged scar crossed the right one and ended at the left most corner of his jaw. He was young, save for that scar, which made him look war-worn and perpetually angry.

 _It's a trap, so don't ask_

 _It's a shadow on your back_

 _It don't burn, it don't bleed_

 _Still it cuts you at the knee_

"A trespasser, interesting," he observed, eyeing her attire curiously. He sounded as elitist as Amora, no doubt all of her soldiers were at least equally as arrogant as she was. Rey crossed her arms, trying to bolster a sense of confidence.

"There is no chance a child like you got the better of the Supreme Leader," he continued, pacing to the other end of the holocron, his hands behind his back. A lightsaber hung clearly visible on his left hip.

"And what if I did?"

"As I said, no chance," he replied plainly, his eyebrow raised in curiosity at her.

"If I could defeat Kylo Ren, I could defeat Amora," Rey said. The general eyed her for a moment.

"Are you the scavenger girl turned Jedi that killed Snoke? That's even more interesting. What could you have possibly wanted from that traitor, Amora?"

Traitor? Leia had said Amora was an undercover agent for the Resistance. Did they know what she was really doing? Rey couldn't think of anything to say to maintain a cover she knew nothing about. Why had she pressed that stupid comm button?

 _All this pressure that surrounds you_

 _Holds you down but you know you gotta break through_

"Well if you did kill her, which is a stretch, honestly; congratulations. We'll call off the bounty for her and her precious pet Captain Bayalo, and come to collect that scrap heap of a cruiser," he looked off behind him, "activate the beacon."

"No! Wait!" Rey said, breaking her attempt to remain neutral. The general smirked.

"Something you want to say, scavenger?"

"She's not dead. Neither is Kylo Ren."

 _Hey, c'est la vie_

 _Remember me?_

 _I made you_

 _Dressed and trained you_

The general smiled toothily now, the scar on his face stretching oddly as though this was not an activity he was supposed to or often enough did with it.

"Of course he is. She always had a soft spot for that weakling. And don't you worry, sweet child. They won't be. Not for long. We will find you all."

"The hell you will," Rey answered back. She ducked down, under the console and began yanking at the panels. She'd spent enough time dismantling derelict Star Destroyers on Jakku to know how to disable a tracking beacon.

"What business is it of yours? We are doing you a favor."

"You won't come here quietly," she answered, yanking apart wiring as she spoke.

He laughed.

"You're right, we won't. So, let's make a deal."

She paused, looking up at the hologram. A deal? What could the First Order possibly give her?

 _Hey, it's bittersweet_

 _You can't kill me with kindness_

 _I don't buy it_

 _Strip down, show me flesh and bone_

 _Now I own you_


	17. Chapter 17

_Hold me now I need to feel relief_

 _Like I never wanted anything_

 _I suppose I'll let this go and find a reason I'll hold on to_

 _I'm so ashamed of defeat_

The lights were much too bright.

Amora could hear quiet voices speaking around her, Poe Dameron and another. She kept her eyes closed, listened carefully.

"… so what do we tell him?" he asked quietly.

"Nothing. We can't say a word to him. It's not our news to tell," the quiet female voice answered back. That voice was familiar, for once not off of a holocron. They'd brought her to the Resistance base. As much as she wanted to scream at him for bringing her here, for jeopardizing everything and everyone, she continued to listen.

"He's been borderline psychotic waiting for her to wake up."

"He'll be fine."

"What if she doesn't survive?"

"The caretakers said she will be fine, she just needs rest."

"We need to have a back-up plan. She's not going to be able to follow through. She will want to, but she's in no condition..."

"You worry a lot about a woman who left you to die in an alleyway."

"She didn't leave me to die. If she'd wanted to kill me then, she would have," he replied stubbornly. It seemed to be a sore point for him even a year later that she'd gotten such a significant one over on him.

 _And I'm out of reason to believe in me_

 _I'm out of trying to get by_

"I told you before, I didn't want to kill you," Amora answered, blinking uncomfortably. The lights were blinding but Poe came over her in a moment, blocking them out. A necklace fell from his shirt and hung down near her face, she reached up to touch it.

"That's a pretty ring," she commented, her voice cracking in hoarseness. She wondered how long she'd been out.

"It belonged to my mother," he answered with a smile. Leia appeared beside him.

"Welcome to the Resistance base, Eve," she said. Amora tried to sit up, though it was an uncomfortable process.

"And congratulations," she added. Amora looked over at her, taking a moment to process the word.

"You didn't tell him," she answered back immediately, her head swimming in pain at the exertion.

Poe shook his head.

"Not yet. But it hasn't been easy keeping him at bay, you know," he said. Amora closed her eyes again, trying to let the pounding in her head subside so she could think.

 _I can't face myself when I wake up_

 _And look inside a mirror_

 _I'm so ashamed of that thing_

 _I suppose I'll let it go_

"He can't know," Amora said, opening her eyes to Leia. She stared back with her patented motherly gaze.

"He'd be quite happy, I'm sure. Shocked, but happy. It would be good for him, keep his head on the right side of things."

"Rey can do that just fine. I have things to do and this was just an oversight," Amora answered, lifting herself up more. Poe put a hand out toward her to stop her.

"You need to rest."

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

She pushed his hand away and tried to lift a leg over the end of the bed. He grabbed her and held it down, his face determined and eyes concerned.

"Eve, stop. The doctors want you on bed rest. You're in a high risk state and-"

"-I did this to myself. Stop coddling me like precious cargo, pilot. Let me up," she snapped at him. He refused to budge.

They stared each other down for a moment. Leia cleared her throat.

"As much as I hate this, we can't stop her from destroying herself," she said, taking Poe by the arm. He let her go, reluctantly. Amora continued to glare at him, but didn't move. Something about Leia's words cut deeper than anything else.

"Eve, you don't have to keep fighting. You've been gifted the greatest joy in this world; a child."

Leia's patient smile at Amora brought her from anger towards Poe to choking on her breath. Her eyes welled up.

"I didn't ask for this," she managed to choke out.

"But you did. You know that as well as I do."

And Leia was not wrong. As much as Amora wanted to scream, tear herself apart from the inside, curse herself for the moment of weakness that led to this absolute improbability; they had made this choice together. She knew that Leia was right. Ben would know.

 _I'm so afraid of the gift you give me_

 _I don't belong here and I'm not well_

 _I'm so ashamed of the lie I'm living_

 _Right on the wrong side of it all_


	18. Chapter 18

_I still recall the taste of your tears_

 _Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears_

Rey stood just before the door of the hut, her mind racing with possibilities and her hand wavering in a closed fist just before the door. She was drawn to this moment, but her racing heart and frantic mind kept her rooted to the doorway of Kylo's hut as though she intended to grow roots into the ground before it.

"Come in, Rey," he said quietly, the door opening before her shaking fist. It was dark, and she could not see him, but she stepped in anyway. The door closed quietly behind her, dropping the room into darkness again.

"Why are you sitting here in the dark?" she asked quietly, her eyes attempting to adjust. She could see his outline, propped in a chair facing a wall.

"Meditating," he answered quietly, rising from the chair to meet her in the middle of the hut.

"Sorry to interrupt you," she replied. He shook his head.

"Is everything alright?"

"I just… wanted to see you," she answered, trying her hardest not to make it sound as desperate as the need felt.

"Why would you want to see me, after what I've put you through?" he asked, looking down at her. She shook her head.

"I don't know. But I do."

"You shouldn't continue to attach yourself to the notion that I will give you happiness. I cannot provide that, not for anyone; not even for myself."

 _My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore_

 _Scraping through my head 'til I can't sleep no more_

Kylo put a hand through his hair, looking at the ground as he spoke. His face was shadowed but Rey could feel his sorrow. He'd been meditating, and also self depreciating. Rey could make out the outline of a bottle where he'd been seated.

"So you're in here torturing yourself? Why? Because Amora's sick?"

Kylo looked up at her at the sound of Amora's name.

"Whatever is wrong with her has to be because of me. She's never been sick a day in her life and I… whatever it is it's my fault," he said. He was distraught, from the drink and the negative thoughts swirling around him like a dark cloud.

"You don't know that."

"I do. I can feel it, in the Force. I keep thinking, all of what I've done to her. What if it was Snoke? What if he did this? Made her sick to punish me? I can't... I've been sitting here for hours, trying to focus on it, whatever is harming her. But.. I'm not strong enough. I can't help."

 _You make this all go away_

 _I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself_

As much as it hurt her to have to hear him lamenting over another woman; she took Kylo by the arm, forced him to look at her. His eyes were bloodshot, tired. He clearly hadn't slept in the two days they'd been here.

"What is wrong with me?" he asked in the voice of a broken man. Rey squeezed his arm, made him look at her again.

"There is nothing wrong with you, Ben."

He used the arm she held to pull her into him, wrap his arms around her. She reciprocated, holding onto him in the darkness, trying to hold him together.

"You still care for me, despite everything I've done. Why?" he asked, his face falling along the top of her head, his breathe heavy with the sadness and sweet from drink.

"Because there's good in you and I know that," she answered.

"I don't feel it."

"I do."

 _You make this all go away_

 _I just want something_

His heavy breath against her head sunk down to her neck, he nuzzled into her for comfort. She held onto him more tightly, trying to ignore the tingling his breath left on her skin. He needed her to be strong for him.

"Thank you," he whispered. She nodded. She felt his hands tighten around her, and his head rose slightly to look at her.

Her stomach knotted for a moment with the tension that always sprouted before them both. He leaned closer, let his lips meet hers for a moment. As much as Rey wanted this, had guiltily dreamt about it; it was not right. Kylo was broken, hurting; and he was seeking distraction, no matter the shape.

But what else wasn't right was the pain that woman was causing him. Ben Solo needed to be cared for, nurtured, and not tortured like he had been his whole life. And again, it seemed as though everyone was against him. And maybe he did need Rey to take care of him now. In her selfish mind, this was her opportunity to give him the love he really needed. But what to do?

 _I just want something I can never have_

Kylo's grip pressed on her, as did his lips. They became desperate for her, desperate for her attention and affection. His grip on her was almost painful now, and instinct caused her to pull back away from the pain. He straightened up, put a hand through his hair and let out a heavy frustrated breath.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said, heaving out another angry breath. She tried to reach out to him, to reject the apology, to say or do anything to get him close to her again; but he backed away, his fist met the wall beside them, a small crack developing under his fingers on the stone. His hands met the wall, his forehead leaning into it now.

"Please go," he said quietly. She stayed frozen to her spot, both terrified by his anger and unwilling to leave him in a worse state than she'd found him.

"Go!" he shouted at her. She stepped back, and then further until she reached the door. With her free hand, she opened it, held his lightsaber tightly to her body as she rushed out.

She looked down at it, the chrome shimmering and trembling beneath her fingertips. She looked down the hill, towards the infirmary. She hadn't even realized she had taken it off of him until now, or what had prompted her to do so. A fire filled her gut, made her eyes flash everything into shades of red. She quickly shook it away, felt the fear of the strong emotion coursing through her. The whispers in her head were taunting her, seemed to be coming from both within her and Kylo's lightsaber. Just as they had called her to take it from him, they were calling her once again. She made her way down the hill as quietly as she could.

 _You make this all go away_

 _I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself_


	19. Chapter 19

_Got a pinch of tobacco in my pocket_

 _I'm not gonna roll it, no, I'm not gonna smoke it_

 _Till we're staring at the stars and the rockets_

Amora hadn't realized she'd fallen asleep until her eyes opened. Poe sat at her side on the bed, her hand in his. He let go immediately, stood up.

"I just stayed to make sure you were going to be okay," he said, looking away. Amora smiled a bit.

"You're a strange man, Poe Dameron," she commented as she sat up with more ease than before.

"How so?" he asked.

"You have these persistent feelings for me, and that's strange enough seeing as I have attempted your life at least once, not including air combat. I'm pregnant with another man's child and you are still by my side. You are either insanely loyal, or just insane," she replied. He smirked a bit.

"You're a strong woman. You have this unerring drive to make things right that makes people want to step up their own efforts. The more time I spent with you, the harder it was to keep seeing you as Supreme Leader Amora Ren," his smirk was replaced with a more professional smile, "But I know my place, I have no intention of coming between you and Ben Solo."

 _Twinkling in the silvery night_

 _Two sips of whiskey in the flask_

 _But I'm not gonna drink 'em_

"There is nothing to come between," she answered, looking down at her stomach. She was so very aware of it now, the warmth and purity of the Force running through her and the life she was housing.

"There's a lot to come between. I've seen the way he looks at you. He loves you," Poe said, "and he's going to fall that much more in love with you as the mother of his child. I can only imagine what happiness that would be, even despite what we're due to face. Leia was right, it's a gift."

"Love itself is gift, but it is not everything. I've learned that, in all of this," she answered, patting the spot where he'd been sitting. He sat down again beside her.

"I spent my entire life taking care of Ben Solo, and loving him. But that love was so poisonous. It killed me, killed Eve and fed Amora. The atrocities, the horrible things I did and convinced myself was to keep him safe destroyed me. It has taken being reunited with him to see that I am not the same woman anymore. I don't know who I am anymore."

"You're still Eve. But you're a part of the Resistance now. You've saved lives. You've saved mine, a few times."

 _I swear I'll make it last_

 _Till we're drinking out of the same glass again_

She smiled a bit, finding his hand and taking hold of it.

"In a different life, we would have fought side by side much sooner," she said, looking at him with a small sparkle in her tired eyes.

"I would have liked that," he replied, squeezing her hand. They stared into each other's eyes, in admiration and respect; skin connected in warmth by their fingertips.

It seemed an unspoken knowledge between them, that in a different life, this precious gift might have been theirs.

 _And though the sand may be washed by the sea_

 _And the old will be lost in the new_

She could feel the familiar river of emotion at the brink of her eyes, but chose to shake it away. She took her hand back and used it to pull down her messy knot of hair.

"I need a shower, and solid food. Any recommendations?" she asked. He stood up, straightened his uniform a bit.

"I don't know about the shower but I suppose we can get you something to eat. But are you sure that's what you want?"

"The sooner I'm up, the sooner I can leave," she replied. Her body ached in disagreement, begging to lay down and remain unused for a little longer.

"You're still dead set on going? Don't you think Ben is going to have words on that subject too?" he asked, his tone returning to the same frustration he'd had when trying to hold her to the bed earlier.

"If I have to leave without all of you, I will," she answered determinedly. Poe draped his jacket over her.

"See, I know I said something I love about you is that unerring drive, but it also scares me to death."

 _Well four will not wait for three_

 _For three never waited for two_

"I only said I wasn't trying to kill you before. I said nothing about future attempts," she replied back with a laugh.

"Just stay here for the night, okay? In the morning, I'll take you wherever you want to go. But one more night isn't going to change anything."

She nodded, though reluctant. Her body was not ready for the tasks she needed from it, not yet. She shifted herself back onto the pillows she was propped up on, feeling a strange metal sensation brushing her collarbone. She looked down, touched the spot on her neck.

She touched the ring, letting her finger slip into it as she did. It was Poe's necklace, he must have draped it over her while she slept. He smiled a little, his cheeks turned the slightest blush.

"That's very important to me. I put it on you so you won't go anywhere without at least a part of me with you."

 _And though you will not wait for me_

 _I'll wait for you_

Another admirational silence between them. There had never been a deeper wish that things had been different for Amora than in this moment. That she had walked a different path, fought back sooner, even that she had died long before this moment in time. Poe deserved better, and as hard as she had tried he was still set on her. It made the knowledge that she had to break his heart that much more difficult.

 _Got a Polaroid picture in my wallet_

 _I'm not gonna tear it, no, I'm not gonna spoil it_

He leaned down, kissed her quickly. It was a strange, caring notion. It made her feel warm. It was sweet of him. He would make someone else very happy one day. Amora was a little sad it wouldn't be her. But she'd lost her chance at a normal life a long time ago.

 _It's an unspoken heartbreak_

 _A heartbroken handshake_

 _I take with me where I go_

"I'll be right back," he said. He left quietly, not taking his jacket. She laid back in it, let it cover her, held her hands over her stomach. She could not stay here, not in this moment, in this bed, or in this place long. But she had a small window of time to feel the warmth he'd left behind.

 _Three words on the tip of my tongue_

 _Not to be spoke, nor sung_

 _Or whispered to anyone_

 _Till I scream 'em at the top of my lungs again_


	20. Chapter 20

_Let's take a moment_

 _I need to spoil who you are_

"What's on the menu?" Poe said happily as he entered the room, glancing at the dark clad Kylo hunched over his plate and his mother anxiously staring at him.

Kylo looked up at him.

"Aren't you on Eve watch?" Leia asked gently, glancing from Poe quickly back at her son.

He cleared his throat, turning away to grab a plate.

"Needed some sustenance," he answered.

"How is she?" Kylo asked. Poe glanced back at Kylo as he filled his plate.

"Getting better. She's awake," he said.

"She is? And you didn't tell me?" Kylo asked, his fork meeting the table in anger.

"I don't answer to you," Poe replied simply.

"Mother?" Kylo looked to his mother.

Leia frowned at Poe.

"I needed to talk to her," he insisted.

"She didn't mention any meetings," Poe answered, finishing the pile on his plate and turning to leave.

 _I played your game once_

 _You sold me out with no regard_

"You're not eating with us?" Leia asked, attempting to change the subject. Poe cleared his throat again.

"No, gotta get back just in case there's anything to report to the Supreme Leader," Poe said. Kylo stood as Poe passed by him.

"Listen, pilot," Kylo said.

 _I come so you can know me_

 _I'm here to make you proud_

Poe kept his back to Kylo as he spoke, he'd learned that it was harder for Kylo to read him if he couldn't look him in the eye.

"Even if you don't give a damn about me, you should care about the plan. We are on a timeclock," he said. Poe turned to look at him, ignoring the pleading look in Leia's eyes.

"I care about Eve. That's all you should care about too," he answered.

"That must have felt as pathetic as it sounded," Kylo shot back angrily.

 _I come to wreck and guide you_

 _I'm here to voice out loud_

Leia stood.

"Boys, please," she said, stepping around the table. Poe set his plate down.

"There is nothing pathetic about caring for people. Maybe if you tried it, she'd have asked to see you."

"It was both of you who've been keeping me away! You don't even know her! You know nothing about that woman!" Kylo slammed his fist on the table, rattling everything on it.

"Neither do you," Poe said simply. Leia stepped between them.

"That's enough. both of you. Fighting isn't helping her. If you want to go and watch her sleep then do it, Ben."

Kylo continued to glare at Poe for a moment. His hands flexed. Poe, knowing exactly what Kylo was doing, felt like he'd been hit with a small brick in the center of his forehead. Kylo's eyes widened like saucers.

 _You know I'm coming for you_

 _Cause I got nothing to lose_

 _And now I'm still on my way for the pay_

"Ben?" Leia said, frightened by the look in his eyes.

"I'd do it again, too," Poe said indignantly, ready for the coming fight.

"You incessant peon, I will kill you," Kylo said slowly, enunciating every syllable of the words.

Poe could feel the sensation of fingers wrapping around his throat, though Kylo remained feet away from him. He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak. Leia was on Kylo now, grabbing at him and trying to force him to stop.

"Stop! Ben, stop this!"

Poe could feel the last bits of breath leaving his body as he tried to grasp the invisible hands around his neck.

 _And I'm sorry you're on your knees, but you can't blame me, your majesty_


	21. Chapter 21

_Will not be shaken and jump into this,_

 _And be persuasive._

Amora's eyes shot open once again. An unsettled feeling in her stomach had awoken her.

She was being watched. And not by Poe.

"Here to kill me?" she asked, once the Force had revealed Rey's ever chaotic energy to her.

Rey stepped calmly forward from the shadows of the far end of the room. Amora smirked a little. For a little girl with no training, she'd managed to sneak into the room while she'd been talking with Poe. She had to give Rey a bit of credit for her willpower. But she had a similar tell to Amora.

 _Just carry on_

 _And make my mind up_

 _To go through this_

 _Or be firm_

 _And sit in silence._

Amora could see Kylo's lightsaber gripped tightly in Rey's shaking hands.

"He's not going to be pleased you took that from him," she commented calmly. Her lightsaber was on the table beside her.

"I had to. I have to kill you," Rey answered, finally willing herself to speak; she looked down at the saber herself as though she couldn't believe she had it either. Amora could feel the darkness on her. It was surrounding her like a dark mist, seeking any way into her it could; seeking the opportunity to consume her.

"What will happen when you do?"

The answer seemed to be an easy one, Rey felt as though it was a trick because she could not seem to verbalize the answer. Amora continued to smile at her, gently. As though she already knew everything that was about to happen.

 _'Cause I want to fight_

 _I want to fight_

 _I want to prove I'm right_

"What was that between you and Poe?" Rey countered, choosing to ignore Amora's attempt to get Rey to show her hand.

Amora touched the necklace Poe had given her.

"Poe Dameron is a good man. Foolish, but good. In another life, if I had not become a monster among men; I would have liked to know him," she answered, twirling the ring upon her neck a few times as she spoke.

"He doesn't care about what you've done," Rey said. Amora laughed.

"That is why he is a fool."

"So you agree then, that you can't be redeemed; that you have to die?"

Amora looked at Rey, looked at the saber still grasped tightly in both of her hands. She could see herself in the girl standing before her, scared and surrounded by temptation.

 _I want to fight  
I want to fight  
So turn and forfeit_

"I have never disagreed with that notion."

"Then why are you making this so difficult?!" Rey shouted back, exasperated.

"It's speaking to you, isn't it? The lightsaber?"

Rey looked down at Kylo's saber. It was whispering to her, angry but unclear. It sounded just like the nagging voice in her head, more frustrated at her for not igniting it and cutting down her enemy.

"It's the crystal in it. It is cracked, it leaks. All his anger, his hatred, self-loathing, confusion, everything breathed into its creation; it will infect you with it. You cannot handle that, so put it down, sweetheart," Amora reached out, offering to take it from her. It reminded Rey of Han Solo, offering to take this same saber from his son on the bridge what felt like a lifetime ago.

 _Medicated,  
Could do some good  
Or find a way to relate  
Or just shut up_

"Stop treating me like a child!" Rey shouted back again, inhaling air laced with the darkness in every heaving frustrated breath. The saber yanked forcefully from her grip and flew into Amora's fingers. Rey tried to grasp for it but it left her so quickly. Along with it left the rest of her resolve.

"But you are exactly that, Rey. Just a child. You have so much to learn. I helped create this lightsaber, it will always call to a maker before it calls to anyone else."

Amora held it over in her hands a few times before looking to Rey again.

"I know what it is like, to want a family. A place to belong. A home. I always dreamed my parents were famous, were noble, were great cosmic travellers or war fighters, like Ben, or Poe. But they disappointed me, when I finally found them. They were junkies. And not only were they not special, neither was I. They sold all of their children off to feed their habits. They sold me to a Toydarian hustler on Coruscant who used my penchant for the force to help him steal from planetary tourists. That is where Master Skywalker found me, took me in, trained me. They sold my brother to a nobleman's family. And they left my sister behind on a planet all the torture in the world couldn't get me the coordinates for. I managed to find my brother, but Ben was the one who found you."

Rey's head swam uncomfortably. She let Amora's words wash over her a few times before it really dawned on her how long she'd been staring in silence at her own sister.

"It is only a theory, but one I take solace in; because you and I are not as different as you'd like to believe. Except, I am a murderer and you are not. And I will do my best to keep you that way, for my master's sake."

"He said he isn't mad," Rey recalled suddenly as Amora spoke of her jedi master, "he said he isn't mad. And hat you're still his favorite little fighter."

Amora seemed to soften instantly at this, smiled a little.

"I thought you were here to kill me, Rey; not hurt me," she said with a laugh, sitting up a bit more. Rey stepped forward a bit, really looked at Amora. They had the same nose, perfectly straight and downward tilting. And their ears, held the same smallish, delicate shape; tightly knit to her head, it always made it easier for Rey to wear scavenged pilot's helmets even if they weren't her size. She wanted to reach out and touch her, she seemed shrouded in an ethereal glow, almost unreal to her now. A family member. A person who she belonged to, even if just potentially by blood. It made sense, her theory. They were both so strong in the force, she had a baby sister who was left behind. It could be Rey.

A desperate shouting in the distance caused them both to turn. Amora was up with surprising agility, though she held the wall as she moved; her other arm guarded her stomach with Kylo's lightsaber.

"Another time, sweetheart," she said, passing by Rey as though she was no threat. And she wasn't. She knew that.

Rey sunk down against the wall to the floor with a thud. Amora was not only Rey's greatest enemy, she could be Rey's only family. She thought on the general, his deal. Kill her, and he would spare the Resistance. How could she now? She closed her eyes, held her head to her knees.

 _So step up  
And forfeit_


	22. Chapter 22

_Dear my closest friend_

A lightsaber buzzed to life somewhere around him, and as he closed his eyes preparing for death; Poe recalled how quick it had seemed at the hands of all the Sith and Jedi he'd watched destroy with their weapons his entire life. It had seemed painless, merciful even, to be cut down by a saber. He was glad to have left his most cherished belonging with her before the end.

But it was not his day.

"Drop him," her tired voice commanded, one hand in the frame of the door and the other on Kylo's lightsaber.

Poe fell to his hands and knees, gasping for breath. She carefully stepped to his side, glaring at Kylo.

"I'd consider that cheating, if I ever knew you to fight fairly," she commented.

"You're awake," Kylo said. Amora laughed humorlessly.

"As much as all of this seems nightmarish," she answered.

Amora knelt down, helped Poe to his feet. She was still draped in his jacket. He smiled at her despite the circumstance.

She reached out, handed Kylo back his lightsaber. He took it quickly, looked at her confused.

"How did you-"

"-You should keep a better eye on that thing."

"They know why you're sick, they won't tell me; is it my fault?" Kylo asked, sounding almost childish in his pleading for an answer. Amora stayed quiet, looking to Leia.

"You have to tell him, Eve," she said softly. Amora's hands were shaking.

Her eyes took to Kylo once again. She slipped off Poe's jacket and handed it to him.

"Outside," she said, turning and leaving the room. Kylo slipped past them through the door.

Poe made to follow them, but Leia grabbed his arm.

"They need to be alone."

 _I'm writing because_

 _I miss you so much_

The wind had picked up, sending a soft and cold night air around them as they stepped out into the tranquil dark of the island. There was something that had always comforted them both about darkness, something familiar.

"Are you going to die?" Kylo asked, making Amora stop and turn to look at him in the field of grass they were on.

"We're all going to die one day," Amora answered.

"That's not what I meant."

 _At night I'd always cry_

 _The stillness still reminds me of_

 _When we first fell in love_

 _And I miss that so much_

Amora couldn't seem to form words. This was possibly the most difficult thing she had ever done. It would have been easier to lie. Easier for her to run now, fight her way off this island; go back and rejoin the Order. Anything would have been easier than telling the man she'd been pushing away from her that they would be joined together now forever.

 _Dear my closest friend_

 _I remember when_

 _You asked me to stay_

 _And I just walked away_

 _I apologize_

When she realized the words would never come, she reached out for his hand. He offered it without hesitation, and she stepped forward; placed it underneath her shirt and onto her stomach.

He looked down at her, confused; then, he felt it.

The glowing warmth, the thing that had been calling to him for days. The Force flowed through his fingertips with such purity, such resilience; only one thing could create such a strong feeling permeating from within her.

Life.

 _And then my letter sent_

 _I lost that moment_

 _Seconds at a time_

He looked down at his hand, then up into her eyes. She stared back up at him, her eyes sparkling and wisps of her hair flying around her in the wind.

"You… you're… and it's…. we…." now his words were lost. He dropped to his knees before her, his forehead meeting the small bump of her stomach. His arms wrapped around her waist, held her to him. She put a hand through his hair, let her hands meet just behind his neck and held onto him too. She tried to smile but it hurt, the pain of the admittance of this secret and the ache it caused her heart, her head.

"I'm going to be a father," he whispered against her stomach, once and then several more times. She put another hand through his hair.

"You are," she answered. As much as she hated this circumstance, had tried so hard to ignore it, reject it; this was the truth.

"What are we going to do?" she asked, relenting now and finally to his plea from weeks ago. She wasn't going to run anymore, from him or anyone. She couldn't. This was the final stake nailing her down to the ground. It was real now. She was going to have a baby.

He gripped her more tightly, taking in every bit of the feeling it gave him to hold her and their unborn child. This moment, this moment reminded him of his father's last words to him. The last time he had been haunted by his memory, that love would be his redemption. He recalled with angry, guilt-ridden tears the final look Han Solo had given him, touched his face one final time. The unerring, unconditional love he gave Kylo, even in his last moments. Even in his death. That was the love he felt in this moment, for both Eve and their child. That he would protect them, and love them until his death.

"Marry me."

 _I wait for your answer_

 _But I already know_

 _Your hand was always mine_

She looked down at the top of his head.

"Ben, we-"

"-can't do this, I know," he answered, looking up to her, "but each and every time you say it, we come apart and something brings us together. When will you relent to the knowledge that you and I are a family? We always have been. And we always will be. Master Luke couldn't keep us apart, Snoke; nothing in this world has been able to seperate us since we met. I love you."

It was strange. Of all the times she'd cried, and it had been many many nights for many many years; she did not feel like it now. The dreams of her youth, force visions of her future; they all culminated to this moment and seemed to fall into place like a complex puzzle's final pieces. Kylo had a point. Despite everything, they had always ended up together. All the choices, all the possibilities of this world led to one thing. The two of them, and whatever was next.

 _Dear my closest friend_

 _I'm writing because_

 _I miss you so much_


	23. Chapter 23

_Oh, why you look so sad,_

 _the tears are in your eyes,_

The best way to describe it was an itch, one that didn't exist on the body but in the mind. A persistent annoyance, a frustration; like staring at the face of a person you know but can't recall their name.

Luke Skywalker was intent on scratching that itch today. So he wandered the markets on the lower levels of Coruscant, eyes open to any and all possibilities for that itch. Small dirty faced children ran by him, past his feet and across his path. He stopped to admire their care-free nature, to see if they were the source of this faint calling.

"Looking for something, jedi?"

 _Come on and come to me now,_

 _and don't be ashamed to cry_

A throaty voice spoke at him in broken galactic basic from just within an alleyway. Luke turned in the direction of it slowly, his saber swung out just visible beneath his cloak.

"Nothing in particular," he replied, eyeing the outline of the shadowed alien.

"Are you sure?" the alien asked again, stepping forward into the light. Luke could feel the twinge, the calling. Whatever it was that brought him here, it was in this shady alien's possession.

"You seem to think you have whatever I need, so…" Luke held out his hand, offering the alien the opportunity to sell him.

"It is more of a problem than a transaction."

The alien turned, grasped at something in the dark and pulled it scraping forward into the light with him. At first Luke couldn't tell what it was that he was looking at under the dirty ragged cloak. He leaned down to try and get a better glance at it. Then in quick footing it reached him, punching him hard in the knee with a closed fist and running off down the street, a silver glint in the little pale hand extending from the cloak.

"And she took your saber. Tsk, tsk. Good luck, jedi," the alien slunk back into the shadows of the alleyway.

Luke looked down. His hip was lighter. That little ragged monster had punched him and pickpocketed him. He ran after her, back into the fray over the lower marketplace.

"Stop that girl! Stop her!" He shouted, catching glimpses of the little rag running through groups of people. A droid attempted to snatch her, catching only the ragged cloak she wore. She pulled it off and kept running, blonde curls flying in the air as she ducked through the legs of the droid and kept running.

Luke was getting too old for this.

He finally caught up with her as she was attempting to scale a wall, and force-grabbed her off of it. He set her down and the saber floated back to him. She tried to grasp for it but she was not strong enough in the Force to do so. He could feel a faint voice almost speaking when he looked at her dirty face streaming frightened tears.

 _Let me see you through,_

 _'cause I've seen the dark side too._

"Did he put you up to that?" Luke asked gently. No doubt her keeper had tried to swindle him. She nodded, the fear on her face now mounting to terror.

No doubt she'd be beaten, or even killed, for this failure. These little pickpockets were expendable to the hustlers who bought them.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked, holding out the lightsaber. She nodded again. He tucked it away at his belt once more.

"Do you know what I am?"

Another fearful nod.

"I know what you are too. A little fighter. And I think you are exactly what brought me here. Do you want to come with me, little fighter?" he asked, offering his hand. She flinched, but took it after a moment of debate. As soon as her hand fell into his, he could see everything she'd seen, done, been forced to do and failed at; her raw strength in the Force that had called him here, her parents selling her before her eyes to that trafficking alien; the darkness, and the light, that fought within her. It reminded him of Ben. And he vowed in that moment to do everything he could to help this girl become who she was meant to be. He'd seen it.

 _When the night falls on you,_

 _you don't know what to do_

 _I'll stand by you_

Leia stepped into the infirmary the next morning, her son and Amora still sleeping peacefully. Kylo was seated in a chair and draped over her, snoring quietly as he held himself protectively across her body. He'd snored since he was a child, the same quiet noise that had always reassured her worried mind that he was breathing. The sight of them reminded her of years past, when she would come to visit at the jedi academy.

 _So if you're mad, get mad, don't hold it all inside,_

 _Come on and talk to me now_

Young Ben Solo was a self-created outcast among his peers. He always had been, even as a younger and more well-adjusted child, unwilling to make friends. He was a handsome boy, and well-mannered, but his temper had always been a point of issue growing up. Luke sent her weekly reports of his time at the academy; she would never forget the words she'd read just before the visit.

'Ben made a friend...'

She was a meek-looking little girl with bright blonde curls and big blue eyes, a foot shorter than Ben and frightened half to death at the sight of Leia. For the first time in years she saw her son's smile as he dragged her forward by the hand to meet his mother.

 _Hey there, what you got to hide?_

 _I get angry too, well, I'm alive like you._

"It's fine, Eve. She's not scary," he'd said to her in kindness, reassurance. Another thing Leia hadn't heard from that boy in years.

"Look at you, such a pretty girl," Leia had said, kneeling down to look at Eve. She'd shied away from Leia's touch and clung closer to Ben.

Eventually, she'd blossomed into a happier and friendlier girl, had hugs ready for Leia and Han whenever they visited. But she always clung to Ben, if not physically than in every other way. Even as they got older, went further in their training; she held fast to him through it all.

 _When you're standing at the crossroads,_

 _And don't know which path to choose,_

And now, as he clung to her in his precious slumber, Leia could not help but cry at the sight. Though a galactic war was at the climax around them, she wished with everything in her she could pause life revolving so quickly around the both of them. She wished she'd be able to hold Amora's hand through this journey, be able to help them navigate life as new parents; remind them to foster the love they had for each other as well as for their child, and everything else she'd never had the chance to do for her and Han. She held her hand to her mouth to cover the sobbing thought of her estranged late husband. His murderer, ever snoring before her. Though his face was older, scarred, he still looked exactly the same when he slept as he had as a child, and so much like his father. Innocent, and peaceful. Leia hoped for his inner peace to return to him again, just as Eve's had.

 _Let me come along, 'cause even if you're wrong_

 _I'll stand by you_


	24. Chapter 24

_There are things that I said I would never do_

 _There are fears that I can not believe have come true_

 _For my soul is too sick and too little too late_

 _And myself I have grown too weary to hate_

General Maleagant Howell was not an ugly man. Even with the vicious scar that jaggedly cut his face in two, what made him evil was far deeper set than that. He was the polar opposite of his teacher, lacking the innocuous nature that made Amora so dangerous; Howell spewed the evil he did not appear to possess straight from his lips as soon as they opened. He was a brightly colored serpent who didn't bother to hide, and he had found prey.

General Howell stared down at Rey in the comm room of the Vincit, his almond brown eyes bearing down on her with his damaged eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"I would hope you're here to tell me you completed your task."

"There's a… problem," Rey answered back, her skin crawling uneasily at his look.

General Howell nodded, pursing his lips.

"Go on," he said quietly.

"Amora is pregnant," she answered.

 _The more I stay in here_

 _The more it's not so clear_

 _The more I stay in here_

 _The more I disappear_

The laugh that issued from General Howell was almost maniacal. Then, he stopped. Suddenly, frighteningly; his face turned to that of concern.

He looked behind him for a moment, causing his perfectly sculpted hair to tussle a bit.

"The Supreme Leader kept them apart for exactly this reason. The legacy of us both, our bloodlines, they should never come together as one; the amount of power in this union…"

"Our bloodline?" Rey asked. Howell glanced at her, though he was far off in thought now; he managed a knowing smirk regardless.

"As I'm sure her sentimentality has revealed to you, she thinks you are our baby sister. And she may be correct. She also thinks we are of powerful blood. In her torture and maiming of our biological parents, they revealed where they came from, who they were, why we are so strong in the force, in combat; why we were the Supreme Leader's true heirs, his perfect killing machines."

 _As far as I have gone_

 _I knew what side I'm on_

 _But now I'm not so sure_

 _The line begins to blur_

Rey opened her mouth to ask him for the truth, for the rest of the story; the name, the torture, everything he knew that his smirk was holding her captive for; when the door airlock hissed open behind her and Poe entered, covered in the Captain's death trooper armor from the neck down. He looked up at General Howell, then to Rey, then again to Howell.

"Fuck," he muttered, casting his helmet off to the side and rushing forward to shut off the comm.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Howell said as Poe fumbled with controls. Rey grabbed him back.

"The plan has changed. Bring her to me alive, or I will activate the tracking beacon and come for her and the rest of you with the might of the First Order's best," he continued, maintaining his smirk as Rey fought with Poe to keep him from disabling the comm link.

 _There's somebody on top of me_

 _I don't know I don't know_

 _Isn't anybody stopping me_

 _I don't know I don't know_

Howell laughed a little at the sight of them fighting before he disappeared.

Poe spun around to face Rey.

"What have you done?!" he shouted at her, grabbing her by the shoulders. Rey shook her head, trying to make sense of anything she'd been doing lately was a tough task. She didn't feel like herself anymore.

"I thought I could do it. I thought I could…" was all she could say.

"We have to tell Leia. We have to tell Eve, Ben; the Order knows. They know," Poe quickly began to pull the armor off of himself. Rey stood idle, trying to focus herself on anything. The angry whispering was getting worse, more frequent. Almost audible.

They were saying something.

She squeezed her eyes shut, tried to focus. This time, the voice was more familiar.

 _ **Take the ship.**_

"Poe, we have to go. Take the Vincit away from the base. We can make them think it's her and Ben escaping."

Poe looked at Rey, first in confusion and then in deliberation. She had a point, and so did Han Solo. The only thing they could do was run, to try and save the Resistance this way.

"They can take the Falcon, we will take the Vincit. Lead them on a chase. If they split to follow us both, the base can handle whatever they have left over to send here," she continued.

The way Poe was looking at Rey made her feel distinctly ashamed.

 _I won't try and hold my breath_

 _I don't know I don't know_

 _Just how far down can I go_

 _I don't know I don't know_


	25. Chapter 25

_Yeah, it's over now_

 _But I can breathe somehow_

"I'm not running."

The cavalcade of worried faces stared at Amora, who stood beside Kylo calmly brushing out her hair. She'd been cleared to leave the infirmary and had made it top priority to get into a shower. She chose to lock eyes with Rey as she spoke, as though she would understand the logic behind her words more than anyone else.

"Don't be coarse, Eve," Leia responded, folding her arms.

"What she means is don't be an idiot. You're in no condition to fight. Rey and I can-"

"-not fight my battles for me. He wants me alive, he can have his go," she answered, pulling her hair back and pinning it in a knot atop her head; she glared at Poe, shutting him up.

"Ben, will you please?" Leia begged of her son, who hadn't taken his mesmerized eyes off of Amora since she'd awoken. He glanced quickly at his mother.

"I'll kill him either way," he replied quietly.

"If anyone is going to end this, it has to be me," she responded.

"Then let it end, but not now. Not in your condition," Kylo insisted.

She shook her head a little, setting her hairbrush down and exchanging it for a lightsaber. She looked back at Rey.

 _When it's all worn out_

 _I'd rather go without_

 _You know its been on my mind_

"If you're going to go off and be a hero, you might want this," she said, offering it out. Rey couldn't believe what she was looking at. It was the Skywalker lightsaber, in one piece and shining new.

"How did you…" she took it, admiring it in her hands. Kylo watched her, taking Amora's now empty hand in his.

"I asked Finn for it. I have a knack for saberwork, and that lightsaber is too precious to leave broken," she replied.

Rey felt such a conflict in looking at Amora now. From the first moment she'd laid eyes on Amora Ren, she had thought of her an evil, monstrous person; and Amora had never once denied it of herself. But as she stood, one hand fingers laced in Kylo's and the other settled on her stomach, the small smile playing on her face while she looked at Rey; she could not have seemed further from that monster. Maybe there was redemption for those who sought it after all.

 _Could you stand right there_

 _Look me straight in the eye and say_

 _That it's over now_

 _We pay our debt sometime_

"I wanted to help teach you. Guide you a bit more. But I suppose we won't have any time for that, not for a while. I'm sure you'll be alright, Rey. You're my blood, and you can fight; you've proven that," she continued, looking up to Kylo and touching the scar on his face.

"Makes him look real tough," she remarked. He smiled at her, taking her hand over his and holding it against his face. The love between them was real, old, lasting; Rey could finally feel a bit of warmth towards it, rather than hate. It seemed accepting it strengthened her more than fighting it ever could have.

Poe nudged her a bit.

"Let's let them have their time, and get the ships ready for them," he said quietly, offering the door to her and Leia both. There was a lot to be done if they were going to make this plan work.

 _Well it's over now_

 _Yet I can see somehow_

 _When its all gone wrong_

 _It's hard to be so strong_

Amora stayed focused on Kylo. There was no one else in the room from the moment she'd locked eyes with him. Her thumb continued to graze the scar on his face.

"We may not make it," she said quietly, a truth they both knew. The fleet heading their way was formidable, tactical, specialized. They were trained by the woman herself, and she knew.

"I will do everything in my power to keep you both safe," he answered without hesitation.

"Don't let them allure you with promises. We cannot go back. We can never go back."

"I know my place now," he said, taking her close to him, "it is with you."

She smiled, letting her head fall across his chest in the moment.

"If I die, take care of my sister," she said, her hands moving down along his scar from outside his clothing. He gripped her more tightly. This was the reality, but it was a hard one to verbalize for them both.

"I will."

"If you die…" she could not finish the sentence, it made her heart hurt. Though so many years passed between them in hatred, contempt, jealousy; the love had always won.

"If I die, love what we have made together enough for the both of us," he finished for her, running a calming hand along her back.

 _You know its been on my mind_

 _Could you stand right there_

 _Look me straight in the eye and say_

 _That it's over now_

The Vincit and Millenium Falcon sat docked side my side, the Vincit baring its omnipotent shadow over the Falcon. Poe stood staring at the Vincit, a beautiful vessel despite its origin. He could fly it, he could fly anything anyone put him into the cockpit of. He was the best pilot in the Resistance. And as he stared at what was perhaps the best looking vessel he had ever flown, he smiled at the thought that it would be the best last vessel he had ever flown. He played through every scenario of what could happen next. In many of them he would die. But this was what he fought for, all the people around him loading up the ships with supplies. A few had volunteered to fight with him. Many others were gearing up to fight here.

"Commander Dameron."

He turned at the sound of Amora's voice, she was on him in second, draping her arms over him in a tight hug.

"You don't have to do this."

"Neither do you."

"Yes, I do," she said with a little laugh, "I'm quite literally the only one here who has to."

"I meant go with him," he said with the same little laugh as they let each other go.

"Oh, Poe," she touched his face gently, in the same caring way she did to Kylo. He smiled. It was not quite the same.

"I'm a stronger fighter, but he's a better pilot. You've got Finn, and my Rey. Please keep her safe for me," she said. He nodded. She took his hand, placed his necklace into it, and closed it in his palm.

"You'll find someone worthy of this honor someday very soon," she choked up a little as she said it, but continued to smile at him.

"Pregnancy has made me the most emotional person. I am sorry," she added, wiping off the forming tears. He got the one under her right eye before she could with a quick kiss.

"I'll let you have that one, pilot," Kylo said as he approached, the smileless of the three.

"Just saying goodbye, and making her promise me you will treat her well. Otherwise I'm coming for you, Solo," Poe said. Kylo reached out, causing Poe to flinch a bit with the memory of their last encounter; but this time it was in handshake.

 _Guess it's over now_

 _I seem alive somehow_

"If something happens to me, you'd better take damn good care of her, Poe," he said. Poe took his hand and shook it, both of them testing their firm grip with one another.

"I can take care of myself, both of you. Now, let's go," she took Kylo by the arm, walking him toward the Falcon.

"Hey Eve, wait!"

Rey came running down the hill toward them, coming to stop just before Amora and embracing her tightly.

"Thank you for fixing my lightsaber," she said. Amora held onto her tightly back.

"Anything for you, sweetheart."

"Keep Ben safe. You… be safe," she added. Amora nodded.

They all looked to one another for a while, in regard, respect, love.

"May the force be with you," Amora said to each of them.

"And with you," Rey answered.

And then, they all slowly parted ways. Kylo took Amora's hand, led her onto the ship where Chewie awaited them.

 _When it's out of sight_

 _Just wait and do your time_

 _You know its been on my mind_

 _Could I stand right here_

 _Look myself in the eye and say_

 _That it's over now_

Kylo held his hands over her belly, the little bump of life within it gave him the strength to part from her to fly the ship that once belonged to his father.

Those same golden dice he played with as a child hung overhead as he settled into the pilots seat and strapped in. His uncle Chewie put a strong hand on his shoulder, uttering a soft grumble.

"You too," he replied, touching that fur covered hand that used to throw him up and down into the air as a child. It hurt somewhere deep to be here now. But he felt next the lips of the one he loved upon his cheek.

"I love you," she said softly, taking up the seat next to him and strapping in.

"I know," he answered, taking her hand and using the other to fire up the engines.

This was it. The final battle. And as he heard somewhere up above him the distinct sound of ships coming out of hyperspace, he knew there was no more time. They were here, and they were coming for the both of them.

He squeezed her hand, preparing the ship's jump to hyperspace.

"We won't be apart anymore."

 _We pay our debt sometime..._


End file.
